Shelbee Says…“Self-care is never selfish.”

June 24, 2018 / 28 Comments

My personal mental health journey through Bipolar Disorder was a long and arduous one. Because I navigated it primarily alone and without a road map, the lessons I have learned have become sacred to me. And while my lessons may not be the magical solution for everyone, they are certainly worth sharing in the event that they could possibly help someone. And one fundamental principle that I have learned to live by is that self-care is of the utmost importance. This is true for everyone, but it carries crucial significance for people with mental illness.

Through decades of self-evaluation and introspection, years of therapy, and thousands of pages of reading and studying mental health theories, I have learned to identify the major triggers that can send me into a bipolar spiral that begins with an immensely high mania and ends in a devastating crash. Once the spiral is set into action, it is very difficult to get out of it. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid the onset from occurring at all. In an effort to avoid the triggers, it is vital to know what you need, and more importantly, to make no apologies for it.

A major trigger that can send me into the most tumultuous of mood swings is straying too far from a fairly consistent and regulated sleep schedule. Staying up all night or even too late into the night can send me soaring to the greatest heights of mania. While being manic may sound appealing to some, I can assure you that after a day or two of this sort of high the appeal quickly transforms to torture as sleep becomes as illusive as chasing unicorns. The knowledge that the euphoric high will certainly end in mental catastrophe amplifies the level of anxiety as anticipation of the inevitable cataclysm looms heavy on a mind that has become acutely aware of the patterns of these cycles. This awareness, however, is the key, the solution, to avoiding the spiral from happening at all.

All too many times, I have to cut an evening of entertainment short or a night out must come to an abrupt halt. I will start to feel the slightest bit of apprehension sneaking up on me and my body will begin sending signals saying, “Hey, listen up, it’s time to go home and rest. Do not even think about pushing through. Just call it a night.” At this point, I must disregard any outside stimulation or influence for the sake of my own mental and physical health. While it may appear to be abrupt or rude or selfish, I can assure you, when I say it’s time for me to go to bed, it is more accurately a case of self-preservation and it is not to be taken lightly.

If you battle with mental health issues, it is so very important to know what events trigger your worst episodes and to be diligent in avoiding those triggers. No matter what anyone says or how they may try to persuade you to push through when you are feeling the slightest hint of a major mood swing whirling right at you, listen to your body and what it has learned. Do not disregard the message that your experience is sending to you. But rather, confidently heed these warnings without apology or shame in the knowledge that self-care is never selfish.

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

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*All photos c/o Unsplash.

*This is not a sponsored post.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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28 Comments

  • Jodie

    June 24, 2018 at 1:46 pm Reply

    This is such great experience that you share, Shelbee! I have finally learned that it’s more important to get to bed, than to get other things done. Heck..it only took me 50 years to figure this out.
    Thanks for sharing!
    OXOX
    Jodie

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 24, 2018 at 2:45 pm Reply

      Jodie, thanks so much! I wonder why it does take us so long to realize the importance of self-care over all other things. Without our mental and physical health in tact, we are way less productive and useful. One would think that self-preservation techniques would come naturally and inherently yet we all seem to struggle with the idea of putting our own well-being first.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 25, 2018 at 10:41 am Reply

      Patrick, thanks for sharing your perspective on it. I don’t know why we do this. It’s like we try to appear strong and invincible rather than just being human beings who clearly have physical needs to maintain life!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Susan

    June 24, 2018 at 5:21 pm Reply

    People have been wisecracking in my general direction for years over this very issue. My teenage crowd nicknamed me Narcolepsy, because I could sleep anywhere, and have done so–at movies, in bars, at parties, etc. It is difficult to explain to others, but I have always known it was self preservation for me. As I get older, it becomes more acceptable, and there are still people who take it personally, but I have reached a point where I just don’t care. I can’t care, it’s too important for my well being. I like these mental health posts of your, Shelbee. I read them and feel validated.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 25, 2018 at 10:39 am Reply

      Susan, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with me…that makes me feel validated in what I do in writing my mental health posts. I love that you have reached a point in life where you just don’t care and do what you need to do. And on the topic of teenage nicknames…my crowd nicknamed me Pisser because any time we drove anywhere I always had to stop to go to the bathroom…nothing has changed there for me either and now I just don’t care. When I gotta go, I gotta go. No sense being uncomfortable!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 25, 2018 at 1:21 pm Reply

      Cheryl, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I agree completely that self-care of this sort is so important for everyone regardless of mental health status. It just takes on a super crucial level for me with the underlying bipolar that I have to be diligent in sticking to what I know I need. I hope your weekend was wonderful and wish you a lovely week ahead!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Melissa @ Loving Life Moore

    June 29, 2018 at 3:17 pm Reply

    This is everything and SO powerful, Shelbee. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been struggling with authenticity to my own reality for a long time, and I think a lot of it has to do with finding and caring for myself first sometimes. LOVE this.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 29, 2018 at 5:40 pm Reply

      Melissa, thank you so much for reading and validating what I share! I think we all struggle to some extent with finding and maintaining our own authenticity. Add to that military living…always following your husband’s career, never being able to take root in any one place, and your whole concept of self-identity can be shaken right to its core. As Army wives, we dedicate our lives to our soldiers just as they have dedicated their lives to serving their country…and it does begin to take a toll on us. So definitely making time to care for yourself is so very important in your own personal journey. If you are well taken care of from within, you are in a much better position to care for everyone else in your life that requires your care. We are one tough breed, Army wives, that’s for sure, so I have no doubt that you will be successful in finding your balance, caring for yourself, and remaining true and authentic! I know you PCS’ed recently. I hope the transition was smooth! I am heading over to check out what’s going on your blog now! Have a fantastic weekend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Marilee Gramith

    July 4, 2018 at 6:29 am Reply

    The fact that you’re able to predict and immediately begin to practice your tried and true plan for refocus and avoidance is amazing Shelbee. You have well honed skills that pay off big!!

  • Dee | Grammy's Grid

    February 12, 2020 at 3:50 am Reply

    As I always say – you have to take care of yourself because you’re the only you that you have!! Thanks so much for linking up with me at my #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 9 where all entries are shared on social media if share option is available, open February 1 to 26.

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