Making My Way Back in Leather, Leopard, and Snakeskin & Link Up On the Edge #235
This week has been a rough one for me due to some circumstances that sort of sent me into a weird emotional spiral which resulted in some very eye opening revelations about myself and about people in general.
I can’t really share the details for a bunch of reasons, mostly to maintain some privacy as well as to keep this post from getting overwhelmingly long and probably rather boring.
But I learned some important things through the experience this week and I want to share them with you.
I have learned that for a person who preaches a lot about not being judgmental, I have a difficult time accepting the flaws of others. I need to change that.
I have learned that we are all flawed and if we cannot grant each some grace for our flaws, it will be a very lonely existence.
I have learned that it is unfair of me to put myself on a holier than thou pedestal. I am no better than anyone else just because I think differently or feel differently. Reminder to self…different does not mean wrong.
I have learned that love is fragile and strong and while it can come overcome most things, sometimes it can’t. But even when it can’t, it still remains as love.
I have learned that I have allowed negativity and hopelessness to permeate my every day for the last 6-8 months and it is literally getting me nowhere except deeper into a dark loneliness. It is not who I am and I don’t like it at all. I need to change it and fast.
I have learned that inside of my own strength, there is still fragility. I can put up all of my walls to protect the wounded parts that I hide inside, but sometimes I have to take the chance to let someone break through the walls. I am not very good at this.
I have learned that while people can be really shitty sometimes, forgiveness can go a long way.
I have learned that I possess the ability to forgive easily, but I need to permit myself to feel anger and other uncomfortable emotions in the process.
I have learned that anger is an emotion that makes me more uncomfortable that most things and so I rarely allow myself to indulge it when it comes around. I need to allow myself to feel anger without beating myself up about it.
I have learned how powerfully our words and actions can impact the people we love. While I am busy spreading kindness on the internet and across blogland, I also need to maintain that same focus in my personal life.
I have learned that even the kindest people in the world are still capable of unkindnesses.
I have learned that we lash out the worst on the people we love the most because it is safe and we rely on the forgiveness that comes out of love.
On so many levels, this past year as completely stripped me of my faith in humanity and it has really left me distraught and more isolated ever. I cannot continue on this way and I need to find the good in humanity once again. I also need to get back to a place of hope. With Spring finally sharing some sunshine, my hope is slowly returning. I need to get back to the business of living!
Have you experienced similar struggles this past year? I know that I am not alone in all of the detrimental effects caused by this ongoing isolation. I have spent most of my time recently angry and frustrated over things that I cannot change. Yet I am the one who always preaches to let go of those kinds of things. If it is out of my hands, I must put it out of my head.
Onward and upward to brighter days ahead.
Before I sign off for the weekend, I do want to extend a huge thank you to my dear friend Michelle for helping me to work through some of these issues. Our phone conversation yesterday was so enlightening and cleansing for me and I simply must express my gratitude. Michelle, you have restored my faith in humanity. Thanks for being such a wonderful human!
Featured Favorites
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Di of Di-Alog shared her post, Straight Leg Denim, featuring two wonderfully sophisticated denim styles that are suitable for the everyday woman who wants to look and feel great. I particularly like Di’s burgundy wrap blouse paired with black denim. Super chic!
Fashion Favorite
Mireille of Chez Mireille shared her super fun post, 2nd Blog Anniversary! I am loving this one outfit photo so much because it really reminds me of an outfit I wore back in the fall that really made me feel great. Won’t you stop by and wish Mireille a very happy blog anniversary and check out her round up of fabulous things from the past year of blogging!
Non-Fashion Favorite
Jennifer of Curated by Jennifer shared her post, Tips for Falling Asleep When Stressed. Due to the crazy week I’ve had, I have struggled tremendously all week with sleep so these tips were so timely and very helpful for me. Definitely worth a read if your sleep has also been effected by stress.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details (Everything was shopped from my closet except the new items with links): Coat-Thrifted / Dress-Torrid / Shirt-BonTon / Belt-c/o Chico’s / Boots–JustFab / Clutch-Old Navy / Gloves-Walmart / Tights and Hat-Target / Earrings-Gift from a friend / Necklace-Burlington Coat Factory
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
70 Comments
Claire
Happy Friday, lovely. I hope everything is OK? I am having a really difficult week again, due to more bad news for me 🙁
Beautiful outfit, Shelbee. Love this look 🙂 Thanks for hosting.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh no, Claire, I am so sorry to hear that. It’s like the universe trying to test our strength or something. Sending you lots of positive energy (because I am turning back to my optimistic self) and virtual hugs, too. Thanks for stopping by.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
You have been busy processing so much Shelbee! I understand and agree with your points but most of all I can relate – it has taken me many years to realize these truths. But we’re always better for making these realizations and I am glad to read that you are looking forward to spring and making some changes to let of go of some things and find your joy again. This last year has been a tough one for sure but as in all challenges we learn and grow. But it certainly isn’t always easy or painless. Thanks for sharing!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I have always been an optimist, always able to look at the bright side and find the purpose in even the most awful situations. But this past year has turned me so pessimistic. I am like Eeyore and nobody really likes Eeyore! I used to be more like a combination of Tigger and Piglet and I would really like to get back to that person! Since I am the only one to get myself back, it’s time I stop whining about it all and do something! Haha. But yes, growth and simply being human are not pain-free experiences for anyone.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Life isn’t easy love. Especially for sensitive people. I listen to my Spotify list a lot, really loud and singing very loud(what the hell, I don’t have neighbours!)But sometimes, I am hanging in 80s music btw, a song takes me back to my, not good, childhood and then I can get really dark. And think of how that reflects my adult life and my perception of people around me. It can make me sad, but what can we do about it, not a lot. We are who we are.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Sometimes I get so caught in my head that when I finally make my way back out, it feels like I had been in a coma! I don’t like being so sensitive! I used to be a lot harder. Old age has softened me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
I love that hat!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Tamar! Have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
Thank you for your honesty and emotion in this post. You are growing my friend because you put this out in the universe which is probably the hardest step. Praying for you and love this glam look! I adore the mix of textures. Thanks for the link up as well!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so very much! It is rather intimidating to share my vulnerabilities and weaknesses, but I think it really does help my growth and healing. And hey, if it can help someone else along the way, even better! I appreciate the prayers, my friend! Have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
This past year has been such a huge challenge and I can relate to all of these points. They are important reminders for all of us. We can do hard things and getting through these challenges will make us stronger. This look is absolutely fabulous! Love the mix of prints and textures!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jill! I feel like I have been living in a fog for the past year and I keep coming in and out of consciousness so to speak! It is the craziest thing ever. I do hope that everyone who has declined during this past year can find their way back to living boldly, brightly, and happily. Have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gwen Gottlieb
Hi Shelbee, such a beautiful heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing this – I’m sure many of us can relate. I know I can. Happy with spring comes a chance for new beginnings!
Looking fabulous as always!
Xo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gwen, thank you so very much! Sharing vulnerable moments can be difficult, but it helps to know that others can relate to it and hopefully find some comfort in the community of similar struggles. Cheers to new beginnings!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pamela
Life has been hard enough this year without additional hurt on the top. But it never ceases to amaze me how people can cause pain to others and yet be completely unconscious of the damage they’ve caused. The recipient will often be left blaming him/herself for mishandling the situation! Trying to toughen up doesn’t bring a solution, just time and eventually hopefully being able to let it go.
Love the outfit!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pamela, thanks so much for your insightful words! Humaning is really hard sometimes, isn’t it? What we think may not cause harm ends up causing lots of harm. Even when we are trying to be the best kind of people. Recognizing that we are all flawed makes it much easier for me to accept that and move on. I have lots of love and forgiveness in my soul so while the process can be painful, I always get back to where I need to be. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Amy Johnson
Sounds like you learned some really important lessons. It’s always painful to learn lessons, grow, and mature. As always, I love your creative, wonderful outfit!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Amy, thanks so much! Growing pains hurt, for sure, but it is worth it when you finally get the lesson you were meant to learn! I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
I hope everything works out!!
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Jennifer! I will be fine. It is just the natural ups and downs of life! I hope you have a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzy
Oh Shelbee, I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way. But the fact that you are starting to see and accept these issues is just the beginning of a brighter future, right? I do hope you feel better with the coming of spring. It’s not an easy time for many people right now and I hope that things improve for you quickly, my friend.
Sending huge, heartfelt, love and hugs to you,
Suzy xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Suzy, thank you so very much! Yeah, it is kind of shitty when I am feeling all down and pessimistic, but my true self is slowly coming back to life. I did get to spend some time outdoors this week as the weather has warmed up a bit. It was absolutely wonderful to breathe the fresh air for more than just a few minutes. And my springtime reading just arrived from Amazon so I have that to look forward to! I just ordered The Raven Witch Saga and I am super excited to get into it! But first I must finish reading A Tale of Two Cities. I am about 2/3 through it. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Niky
Wow! That outfit is incredible! Love, love how you pulled it together!
Niky @ The House on Silverado
Niky
Additionally, thank you so much for sharing so deeply about your struggles. I can relate to your feelings of losing faith in humanity. There have been so many times this past year when I thought (and often said outloud), “What in the hell is wrong with people?” I agree that it requires some self-reflection and a determined effort to move forward. I’m right there with you in hoping spring will bring some much needed energy to make forward progress.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Niky, thanks so much! I am always so pleasantly surprised by how relatable posts like this can be. The struggle is real and we are not meant to do this whole life thing alone. Blogging has provided such a wonderfully supportive community for that. My WTF moments have been coming much more frequently this past year which has forced me further into isolation. I need to conquer my fear of all the WTF people out there and start living again!
xoxo
Shelbee
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Niky! I definitely felt a little extra in this outfit!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellie
It’s been a tough year for sure and I’m sorry you are dealing with more unpleasant things! Life really is not fair and we have to learn to live with what is given to us! It’s not easy for sure!!
Honestly this past year I did more gardening than ever with flowers, shrubs etc. I found on clearance at the garden center and I can’t wait to see them come alive again this spring! I know the gardening is what kept me going.
Fabulous outfit! Love these black with browns!
Thanks for hosting the linkup!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ellie, thanks so much! I definitely have had it easier than some during this past year, but the struggle certainly still remained for all of us. I am constantly shifting my perspective back to gratitude, but it’s time that I find a way to shift it and keep it there! Spring time is bringing more hope than I have had for the past 12 months! I love that you found solace and comfort in gardening. I do not because I just kill everything and then feel terrible for killing them! Haha. I will find my way, for sure, as that is what we are constantly doing anyway, right? Just making and finding our way through the chaos! I hope you have a lovely weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Di
Thank you, Shelbee, for sharing your difficulties in such a heart felt and articulate way. The past year has tested many of us in ways we never thought possible, and brought new tensions and challenges to our lives. We have all gone through so much to process. I am glad you had Michelle to talk to. Love your look of neutral textures and mixed animal prints this week. Also, thanks for the mention of my blog post. Much love to you-hope you have a good weekend!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so very much, Di! Looking back over the past year, it mostly seems like one big long fog! It really has taken its toll on me and everyone else. I figure I can’t possibly be alone in all of this, so why not share in the hopes that it can help others relate and feel a sense of community as we all struggle through these trying times. We have definitely all been tested in ways we could have never imagined! Because life doesn’t test enough. Haha. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy Bertoldi
Oh Shelbee everything about this chic look! Loving the coat but that cloche hat is too too good! Have a great weekend xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lucy! I have a small collection of cloche hats which I love, but I haven’t worn them much this year. I have opted instead for my more casual cozy knit beanies and such. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
You certainly are introspective and that is a wonderful quality to have! It sounds like whatever you went through, you are doing a good job of picking yourself up and learning from it and making yourself even better than you were before.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Laura! I am certainly trying! I get so caught up in always doing the right thing for everyone that I lose sight of so many other things! I need to be better at granting myself and others some grace for our flaws! I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Amen about Love being fragile and strong. Such a powerful post. We do need to forgive those who have wronged us and people can be crappy. Something that I have had to learn lately with some issues that have come up in my life with people. I think that a lot of people have a lot missing in their lives and try to make up for it by treating people like crap. In that way, they don’t have look at themselves as they are looking at other people.
We are all flawed and the sooner we can admit our flaws the better off we are. The problem is in our screwed-up society is that when you are honest with yourself and others about your flaws you are dinged and labeled instead of being celebrated and the A-Holes who are out there acting the fool and treating people like crap are celebrated. Just my simple view.
Looking very fabulous. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Sending you positive thoughts.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. The world is a really crazy place and it is filled with so many different personalities and so many different ideas of what is wrong and right, good and kind, bad and hurtful. What seems awful to me may seem like a totally harmless thing to another and vice versa. I learned that from being poly…there are people who think it is the worst, most harmful thing a person could do. The thing is that there are all different kinds of people in every form of lifestyle, etc. Just trying to navigate through it all and weed out the bad apples is exhausting! We have to get to know a person before we can even form an opinion and the getting to know process itself can be hurtful. I guess that is why I share these types of posts…to show how different we are all but also how very similar we are, too. I guess if we just all did our best to be kind and respectful to each other, that might be a step in the right direction. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Rena
Oh Michelle, I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through such a rough patch. I could feel your pain as I read this post and I wish it were possible to give an in-person hug. We all need more in-person hugs now. This past year has been tough for so many and too many reasons. It will be a welcome relief when we can start to venture out again.
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
PS – your outfit is frickin’ awesome!!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Rena, my friend, thank you so much! I could feel your hug coming straight through my computer screen! I really didn’t even realize how raw my vulnerabilities came through in this post! I just pour it out in the moment of the emotion without restraint. I guess it really does cleanse me. And I hope that by sharing my process that I can help others to find their way out of troubling situations. We are all survivors but we can never do it all alone! The birds are chirping now and their songs have brought me a renewed hope for beautiful new beginnings. We just have to stay the course and trust the process. I hope you are having a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
Another 100% profound post, Shelbee. You are so amazing and “deep”. Life has definitely taught me that we all are flawed in ways, and that’s okay. We all are unique and special too. Another lifelong lesson is that our feelings are our friends – they are often screaming at us – eg I”m angry!!!! Take notice!!! or eg I’m nervous!!! Why??? Sometimes we “pick up” other people’s feelings especially if you’re very sensitive. And sometimes – yes we might be angry because we need a reality check about what is and isn’t important, and often things are not important. But sometimes we do need to take notice. Listen to the voice in your gut – it does matter. And this in itself cuts down immensely on exhausting perpetual mental angst. One day you might read some of your posts and go: omg!! I’ve written a deep and meaningful book – (hint, hint)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thank you so much for all of your inspiring and encouraging words to me. You are so very wise and I really appreciate that you are so willing to share your wisdom with me. You know that I know all of these things…but you also know how easy it is for us to get off course. This is why this community is so important. We can share and be vulnerable and offer each other the gentle reminders we need but may not even realize. Oh…I have probably written enough for 3 books by this point! Now to get past the laziness and fear that seem to prevent me from organizing and compiling all of these posts in a meaningful way. I am blessed to have you cheering for me, my friend! Keep shining bright.
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
Shelbee, thank you for the feature! I had to click your link to remember your outfit (so cute too)! There is something about the winter that tends to drag us down and you living up north in the land of cold surely get even more affected by it. This past year, I have definitely seen who my friends are: who has kept in touch, I have learned who my community is and what makes me tick and be happy. Apart from my faith, moving and being outdoors keep me content especially if I can do it a few times minus kids. I eat outdoors as soon as weather permits and try to plan some outings for us. Now as a person I have found I do not criticism well but can dispense it fast so I really need to work on that!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences and your vulnerabilities. I really do get a little hesitant to share posts like these. I write these in the moment of the emotion and I am finally learning the power in that. It does make others think and be a little more introspective and I really think introspection is such a necessary thing for growth as humans. I agree with you that being outdoors is absolutely essential to our mental health as well. We finally had some bearable temperatures this past week and I spent a few hours outside for two days. Then it got too cold again! But I hear the birds chirping outside and it really does bring me renewed hope for all things! Gosh, I do appreciate this community! You all are so wonderful!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
These are all such significant revelations, Shelbee. We all need to come to terms with every single one of them at one time or another. This past year has been tough for all kinds of reasons, and I, too, have lost some of my faith in humanity. I chose optimism for this year but I do have to constantly remind myself. It sounds like you’ve done some deep soul-searching and made some valuable discoveries. You are modeling Brene Brown’s concept of vulnerability for all of us by putting it out there. Kuddos to you! Oh, and btw, your inner feelings are certainly resulting in an amazing spurt of style!! Your leather jumper (not to be confused with the British sweater!! Lol) is adorable as is your whole look.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Wow, Darlene, that is a huge compliment and a very flattering comparison. Thank you so very much. Vulnerability is so tricky. So much thought goes into the process of just deciding what to share, how much to share, how deeply we share. And often, when I write posts like this, I sort of do it right in the moment so that I don’t have a chance to overthink it and so that the vulnerability is very real. Then when I come back to read the comments, I am fascinated by how much vulnerability really does show through. We all are works in progress and I am constantly pushing myself to new limits in my personal growth. I am glad to know that sharing my personal experiences does have some positive impact in the world.
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheila (of Ephemera)
Okay, seriously, we are like twins here, Shelbee! First of all, YES, I am a major Carolina Panthers fan! As to how a West Coast Canadian girl became a fan…I was dating this guy, and he showed me/taught me how the game was played, and I wanted to pick my own team to cheer for – he’s a Miami Dolphins fan – so I picked the team with the black cat, since I had a black cat. Reader, I married him! And he’s still a little annoyed that I didn’t pick the Dolphins! Ha!
But what you say here resonates with me, as well. I’m really good at doling out advice, counseling people, and saying wise things, but I’m not good at dealing with my own issues or emotions. Like you, anger is really hard for me to express – and I grew up in a household where we did not talk about our feelings AT ALL. I thought I had all my shit sorted out when I was in my 30s, but no, I did not. I thought I would solve all my problems when I lost weight in my 40s, but NO, I still had them all (but I was skinnier). Now in my 50s, I’m feeling like, jeez, why am I always so stressed? I’ve become much more self-aware…but we are ongoing self-improvement projects, and it’s important to remember that we are never really “fixed” or “done.” It’s a work in progress, darlin’.
Now, that is one SWEET leather dress (is it leather? or is it fake leather?). And you are rocking it!
Thank you so much for the link-party!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Sheila, you are so amazing! That is exactly how I would pick a football team! In fact, I had always been sort of a Pittsburgh Steelers fan just because I grew up in Pennsylvania and my childhood swim coach is a diehard Pittsburgh any team fan. But then I made a friend from the Carolinas and got suckered into his fantasy football league of all Carolina Panthers people and I somehow was swayed! It wasn’t difficult to sway me, however, since I was never really truly a dedicated Steelers fan. Plus Carolina’s colors are way more appealing to me than Steelers’ colors!
And I totally hear you on the journey of introspection and self improvement. We can’t ever stop learning about ourselves. And I refuse to halt my personal growth because I run into some troublesome emotions. Recognizing those emotions and processing them has always worked wonders for me. But it does sometimes feel like that is all do…process emotions! And that is exhausting. I agree that we are never done growing…the growth stops only at death…and I would sure love to see how much more I can grow as a human being before I reach that end.
Thanks for being such a wonderful human yourself!
Oh, and the dress is definitely faux leather!
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
I feel like this learning is never ending. We think we have it all figured out and then this or that happens. But it’s a wise person to realize that we can still grow and change.
XOOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, you are so wise and I always appreciate when you share that wisdom with me! I was just having a conversation with a friend last night about all of the wonderful things that come with age…including wisdom and insight. Of course, we are all at different levels of how much insight and wisdom we gain in life and I believe it is in direct correlation with our experiences as well as how much work we want to do on our personal growth journeys. I know I never want to stop growing and learning and improving. But with growth, comes growing pains, right?
xoxo
Shelbee
Ada Furxhi
I am so sorry you have been feeling like this but it happens to all of us, with the best and worst of us. We all have bad days and really bad days, and days when we feel let down by everything and everyone. I hope you get back to your positive upbeat self.
Love this retro-cute outfit and the way you mixed+matched your leathers and snakeskins. Well done!!
Enjoy the weekend my friend!! <3 Ada.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ada, thank you so much for your beautiful words of encouragement! It definitely happens to all of us and I am certain it has happened with much more frequency this past year. I am so grateful for this community because we can safely share our vulnerabilities with one another and offer each other support. In a very disconnected world, we all have to find ways to remain connected because it is part of what makes the human experience so wonderful! Positive, upbeat Shelbee is slowly coming back to life!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Whatever you’ve been going through sounds rough, so I’m sending you a big Internet hug, Shelbee. I have been struggling with a specific issue—I felt like I wasn’t in control of something—and recently had a revelation that I can’t control what’s happening, but I can control how I react to it. That made me feel MUCH BETTER, so hoping you also gain some clarity and peace in your situation. Hugs again!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thanks so much, my friend! Hugs have been received and much appreciated! Your revelation is one that I come back to again and again. But yet, we sometimes forget these lessons that we already know and need reminders. I had gotten so adept at letting go of things that I cannot control as well as accepting all people where they are in the moment that I meet them. And then a year in isolation made me forget it all! Clarity and peace have already made their way to me, now the trick is maintenance! I am so glad that you found a perspective that keeps you living your best life. Hugs to you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anna Shirley
Those are pretty difficult life lessons you are going through. I like how you wrote that even you can forgive somebody, it doesn’t mean that this is the end for you. There could be some residual anger, sadness, or hurt inside us and we need to deal with those emotions. It is not like the On/Off button. It is a process and it takes time. Sometimes years…
Anna
http://www.glamadventure.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anna, thank you so much for this beautiful insight. After I wrote this post, I contemplated for a long while the whole idea of forgiveness and what it really means. It occurred to me that there are so many layers to forgiveness and that saying the words does not complete the action, it merely sets the intention to begin the process of forgiveness. There seem to be a million other emotions tied up in any situation where forgiveness is needed and they all need proper processing for complete forgiveness to be reached. But once you are there, it is the most amazing reward to learn just how big we are capable of loving.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Awwww…., I’m so glad it helped! We are never going to be perfect with our aspirations, the important part is in the trying and the desire to do better. I think reevaluating as you do periodically puts you ahead of the game IMO. Also? I really enjoyed talking to you too!
That is an awesome dress! Totally cool outfit.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much for your insight and support and encouragement. I am constantly reevaluating myself to make sure that I am living up to my own expectations and practicing what I preach. That itself can be exhausting! But it really is the best way to make progress and grow continuously throughout our lifetimes. I don’t ever want to get too comfortable and allow laziness to prevent my personal growth. It is the hardest work that reaps the most benefits, I think. And introspective work for self improvement is some the hardest work anyone can do. Thank you so much for being a wonderful friend and an excellent sounding board!
xoxo
Shelbee
Natalie
GIRRRRRRRRRRRL! You are ROCKING this outfit! It looks amazing on you! It goes perfectly with your weather!!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Natalie! I did feel pretty fabulous wearing this!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ang
OMG I love the outfit. But I love how happy you look in it even better. You’re clearly having so much fun modelling. Hope you’re having a great day 😊
Ang | https://loseweightwithang.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Ang! I do try to have fun when I am taking photos! I hope you have a wonderful week ahead!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mike
Shelbee, you are definitely NOT alone in what you spoke of in your post…
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve felt the same way you have. Even now, I am somewhat struggling and questioning some of my relationships and even questioning my own worth as a human being. I am especially impacted by the statement you made here:
“I have learned that even the kindest people in the world are still capable of unkindnesses.”
I’ve made the tragic mistake once of believing that “good people” can’t be mean or unkind. I used to think that these people were “angels”; people without flaws and without blemish.
I was of course proven wrong and a devastating reality check that deeply hurt me nearly 10 years ago still wounds me today. Since then, I’ve learned that we all can be human and that no one is more “righteous” than anyone else and no one is perfect.
But you know what has helped me? Recently, I started attending a self help group called “Al-Anon”, which helps people who have family members who are alcoholics (long story). And even though the group focuses primarily on how to deal with alcoholic family members, it has a lot of other practical knowledge and wisdom on how to deal with life. Whenever I do the daily readings, I often think how much easier my life would be if I had this knowledge 10 years ago. It’s such an enlightening revelation to find out that life is simply life; the good and the bad, makes life what it is.
I hope that things improve and that you will be able to work through your struggles and hurts, Shelbee.
Stay strong! You are not alone!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mike, thank you so very much for your beautifully insightful words! I am definitely feeling much better now. I just like to process these things in an open forum for some reason! I guess I feel like it can help someone else and I really have nothing to lose because I am who I am and will always be me. I agree with you completely that the teachings of Al-Anon and AA are super beneficial for just about any issue in life. I was introduced to these philosophies about 10 years ago when I was taking an addictions course for my counseling degree and the part about giving up that which we cannot control was such a powerful coping mechanism for me that I literally apply it to everything and anything that is out of my control. Learning to release it was the hardest part, but once I got there and have been practicing this technique for a decade, I find it so much easier to process and release! If it is out of my hands, I put it out of my mind. It is not for me to control or dictate or manipulate the behaviors of others. My role is to accept people exactly where the are in the moment that I encounter them. No one is ever at the same place in their journey and we have to respect that. I really enjoy these discussions with you, my friend! I hope you have a wonderful day!
xoxo
Grace
I am sorry you had a rough week Shelbee, but I’m glad to hear you at least realized some lessons through it. I am unfortunately a judgey person but have been working really hard to change that… It takes so much practice.
In other news, I’m obsessed with this old fashion outfit. Those big sunnies and that CLOCHE?! Love!!
Here’s to a better week. <3
Miles of smiles,
Grace
gracefulrags.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Grace, my friend, thank you so much! I always get nervous when I share posts with so much vulnerability in them, but then the response is always so wonderful! I appreciate that you have shared where your weaknesses lie and that you also are working on self improvement. It is a lifelong mission, I suppose, and we can never stop growing and improving.
I haven’t worn very many cloche hats this winter because I have been dressing so casually, but I have a small collection of them and I do love the vintage vibe they provide! I hope you are having a wonderful week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mike
It is always a pleasure interacting with you, Shelbee. I truly enjoy our discussions as well as they really help me to reflect what I am facing in life and helps me to approach my troubles in a whole new light.
Yes, Al-Anon has truly been a blessing to me, as well as a life saver, like a for real life saver. I probably wouldn’t even be here if not for the practical teachings that this group has to offer. It has helped me to regain much of my sanity when I was going through some very dark moments in my life…
I absolutely agree. There are some things, many things, that we cannot control, and shouldn’t try to. As you said, every person has their own personal journey that they must walk and experience. We can’t walk it for them. We can only be a “gentle presence” for them and allow them to decide for themselves what they must do.
I really like what you said about you are who you are and will always be you. I literally tell people this when they feel like they have to compare themselves to someone else. I often tell them that there is only one “you” (meaning them) in the world, and there is no one else on earth who is better at being who they are. I often am telling myself this as well because I sometimes struggle with this insecurity. But I am who I am and will always be who I am. It has taken me 20+ years to learn this, and I’m still learning it, but as each day passes, I learn to accept it all the more. 🙂
It is always a pleasure talking with you, Shelbee. You keep on being you and never let anyone tell you different. And if anyone tries to “trash talk” you or your blog, and I find out, you can count on me to defend you. We bloggers gotta stick together after all. 😉
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Mike! There was a period of my life when I tried very hard to be someone that I am not. It ended disastrously and set me on a course in life that I never could have anticipated or been prepared for. But the one main lesson that I learned from it all was that I am not even capable of being someone else. I am much happier just living out loud the way I am!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mike
Absolutely, Shelbee! It took me many years before I learned to accept who I am and I’m still learning how to do so. I’m no longer ashamed of who I am.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
That is the best part of life, I think, after we accept and love ourselves without shame. I still struggle, but not nearly as much as I did 20 years ago!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie
So much great classic style going on here. I love the coat and hat together…so chic. Great look, Shelbee!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carrie! I felt rather sassy in this outfit! Too bad there’s no where to go to wear it. LOL
xoxo
Shelbee