Being Kind to Yourself & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #117

April 9, 2019 / 56 Comments
This is not a sponsored post.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

-Carl Jung

Self-acceptance is a hard pill to swallow. I am not sure why. I mean, I am the one person whom I spend absolutely the most time with. Every second of every day, in fact. You would think that an undying love and an unconditional acceptance would come along with that. I have been in this relationship with myself for almost 45 years. Learning, living, growing, changing, evolving, transcending. Making mistakes, repairing wounds, healing, fixing, building. I have spent countless hours in self-relfection. I have had an extraordinary number of conversations with myself over the years. Some of these conversations have built me up. Many have knocked me down. Self-sabotaging self-talk. We have all done it. Confidence building pep talks inside our own heads. We have all done that, too.

Shirt: Burlington Coat Factory
Skirt and Belt Bag: Torrid

For the most part, I like who I am. I like that I am genuine, real, authentic, unfiltered, and shameless. Confident, kind, generous, patient, loving, and fun. But just yesterday as I was writing my post, I was cringing in self-defeated horror at photos of myself from just a year ago. Photos that I remember being proud of when I shared them back then. And now, I am all hating on myself. And it really just got me to wondering why we do that to ourselves.

Stockings and Gloves: Target
Kimono: c/o Rosegal

We are our own worst critics, for sure. But shouldn’t we be our own best advocates, our own loudest cheerleaders instead? I know it can take a lifetime to reach a place of pure self love and acceptance. And I thought I had reached that place. Until yesterday. So it threw me off balance a little bit. Uplifting other people and empowering them to engage in self acceptance and self love comes very naturally to me, but then I can’t take my own words of advice. Again, it is a conundrum that I cannot seem to resolve. And it has left me a bit confused. And, well, uncomfortable.

Bralette: Torrid
Boots: Charlotte Russe

So I guess I am asking you to share with me how you get yourself out of those moments of self-loathing and back to that glorious place of self love. I purposefully chose these photos to share today because I do feel fabulous in them. But who knows what I will think of them a year from now. Or even next month for that matter. I guess I am just as fickle as the rest of society…particularly with regard to myself. And maybe, just maybe, it’s simply the wretched hormones got hold of me again and have skewed my thought process. Who knows. Life is as life is and human nature is a very tricky thing.

Necklace: Solitary Consignment

“Being human is not about being any one particular way; it is about being as life creates you—with your own particular strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges, quirks and oddities.”

Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

 “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs, and habits – anything that kept me small. Now I see it as self-loving.”

Kim McMillen, When I Loved Myself Enough

“Compassion isn’t some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we’re trying to live up to. Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.”

Pema Chodron

“An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves–the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.”

Marshall Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

“Self-care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, so that we can give from our surplus, our abundance. When we nurture others from a place of fullness, we feel renewed instead of taken advantage of.”

Jennifer Louden, The Woman’s Comfort Book

“Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion and treat themselves accordingly.”

Martha Beck
Jacket: Old Navy

And now your featured favorites from last week.

Jodie of Jodie’s Touch of Style shared her post, Wearing Spring Colors Together and the Ageless Style Link Up. Seriously, how great is this outfit on Jodie? The brightly colored top pieces play so vibrantly against her black leather pants and sparkly black sneakers making a super edgy and fun outfit perfect for this transitional weather into Spring. Well done, my beautiful friend!

Jodie of Jodie’s Touch of Style

Jill of Doused in Pink Style shared her post, Sunshine Blogger Award, where she was nominated by four other bloggers as a super sunshiney blogger herself! Jill is always shining her light into the blogging community so this award is well deserved…four times over! Super fun post learning more about her.

Jill of Doused in Pink Style

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

By the way, there is still time to enter my giveaway! You can win $100 off a brand new Jord watch. Read all about it here or go directly to the giveaway entry form here. I would really appreciate the support to make this giveaway a success! It only takes a minute and an email address!

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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56 Comments

  • Julie | This Main Line Life

    April 9, 2019 at 10:30 am Reply

    I read something the other day that resonated. It said “Stop comparing your inside to everyone else’s outside.” I thought, yeah, that’s really what we do isn’t it. We compare all the crazy we know so intimately about ourselves in feel internally to the bright shiny exteriors that others are presenting to the world. It’s apples to oranges.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 9, 2019 at 10:54 am Reply

      Julie, thank you so much for that! I actually just read something similar when I was looking for quotes to add to this post…we compare our unfiltered uncut raw moments to the filtered and edited highlight reels of everyone else. We do need to stop doing that. I guess that is part of the reason I like to share the unfiltered uncut raw moments…to help us all know that we are not alone in the struggle. Have a wonderful day, my friend, and thanks for sharing and uplifting me today.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • jodie filogomo

    April 9, 2019 at 10:37 am Reply

    It’s amazing how hard this concept is sometimes. It just doesn’t make sense that we are the hardest on ourselves.
    I’m working hard at this too!!
    And thanks for the feature my dear, dear friend.
    XOOX
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 9, 2019 at 10:52 am Reply

      Jodie, thank you so much for relating to me. I know am not alone in this, but man, it can feel so lonely when you get stuck in that place, can’t it? I really think this time it is purely hormonal. But still, I need to find my bounce again! Have a great day, my friend. And let’s continue to uplift one another!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Kathrine Eldridge

    April 9, 2019 at 10:38 am Reply

    I turn to God when I struggle with accepting myself. My thought is that we look to others to be validated which can be exhausting. He has already accepted us because He created us. This reminds me that I am enough and already loved. We are all still human sometimes and will have doubts so I think it’s great to reach out to others to lift us during trials. Thanks for your honesty in this post. This look is fantastic on you! Obsessed with that skirt!

    https://www.kathrineeldridge.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 9, 2019 at 10:50 am Reply

      Kathrine, thank you so much for sharing your method of finding your way back to self love and acceptance. The cycles can become exhausting, so discovering new ways to get back to that place is always so helpful for me. And I am kind of obsessed with pencil skirts lately, especially Torrid ones. They just fit so perfectly. Have a wonderful day, my friend, and thank you for uplifting me!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Jacqui Berry

    April 9, 2019 at 11:47 am Reply

    Another winning look Shelbee, love that skirt! I’ve just saved a check skirt from the charity pile!!! Will be looking to style it again for the blog soon – thanks for the inspo. Jacqui Mummabstylish

  • Jill

    April 9, 2019 at 12:11 pm Reply

    Sometimes it’s so hard to get out of that downward spiraling thought process. I try to re-focus on knowing that my family and friends accept and love me just the way I am. I also think the power of all of these great quotes helps too. This is such a fabulous look on you! So fun and chic! Thank you so much for the feature!

    Jill – Doused in Pink

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 9, 2019 at 1:03 pm Reply

      Jill, thank you so much for the compliment and for sharing your similar experience. I know that I am not alone in this cycling. It is nice to share even in our vulnerable and insecure moments…it is in those moments that we feel the power of a supportive community.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • FancyBoy

    April 9, 2019 at 12:42 pm Reply

    Worst!!! This is when I focus on superficial self care or give myself a moment of pampering. Ughhh it’s so much harder when you put yourself out there, too… BLOGGING lol It’s an up and down thing.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 9, 2019 at 1:01 pm Reply

      Becky, thank you so much for sharing with me your experience with the same thing. It is so much harder with blogging because if you just disappear when you feel like this, people get worried. And I don’t want anyone to worry especially when I know it is just a passing phase. So I share. And then we see the power in community.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patrick Weseman

    April 9, 2019 at 2:50 pm Reply

    Looking very nice. I think our society doesn’t want us to love ourselves for who we are. We are taught to be critical of others as a way of loving them, trying to uplift them. Recently, I was with some people and for dinner they wanted me to say a blessing over the food. It really isn’t my thing but I did it and was told by many that my short little prayer was too fast and too short. That is me and I didn’t apologize for being who I am, I am too friggin old to deal with that. Also, someone had mentioned that I have a blog and it was on. Everyone being a critic, I pissed them all off and said “If you think that you could better, than create your own friggin thing and do everything that you have just told me to do in your blog.” I was told that by them being critical, they were trying to uplift me. To me, they were just trying to knock something that I was doing because they weren’t. That is our society in 2019.

    Sorry for the rant, but people like you are trying to uplift others. We need more people like you.

    Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 10, 2019 at 10:05 am Reply

      Patrick, thank you for sharing that experience. It definitely brings to light how awful some people can be without even thinking of the effect their words and actions can have on others. I have had people tell me how to run my blog as well, what I should do differently, how I can make it better. But one of the reasons I love blogging is that it is MY thing and I have no one to answer to except myself. I remain dedicated, consistent, and on task without a “boss” telling me what to do. And I agree with you, the ones who have tried to tell me how I can do it better were really just lost trying to find their own thing, but couldn’t get motivated to do something for themselves. Good for you for not taking the B.S. and for remaining true to yourself. Keep shining, my friend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Liz

    April 9, 2019 at 4:28 pm Reply

    I love all of these quotes so much! I especially love the one that says we need to take care of ourselves before we take care of others so we feel renewed instead of taken advantage of. It’s so true! Such wise words! <3

    Lizzie
    http://www.lizzieinlace.com

  • The Real Cie

    April 9, 2019 at 4:59 pm Reply

    It’s always World War III in my head. I have the questionable talent of being able to take every awful thing that someone else has said about me and say something twenty times worse about myself.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 10, 2019 at 9:57 am Reply

      Oh Cie, I feel you! I am the same way. And even without the awful things, it seems my brain just never stops processing everything. It is exhausting! Thanks so much for stopping by and relating to me. Now, we must both turn it all around to some positive self talk!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Laura

    April 9, 2019 at 7:05 pm Reply

    I think women in general can be so tough on themselves! In fact when I started staying at home I was so hard on myself with making sure I was running all the errands, keeping the house clean, cooking, blogging, etc, I was giving myself stress migraines! I’m still learning to take a step back, but it’s always a process!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 10, 2019 at 9:54 am Reply

      Laura, thanks so much for relating. And oh my goodness, yes, being a stay at home mom (actually just being a mom in general) is a whole different level of stress. I always beat myself up for taking time to myself thinking that I am responsible for doing it all…and looking put together as I unravel at the seams! I have definitely gotten better about taking time outs for myself, but there is always room for improvement. Thanks for stopping by today and have a wonderful day!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Gina

    April 10, 2019 at 12:54 pm Reply

    Looking back at old blog photos is a great way to bring out the self doubt and questioning! Ha! “What was I thinking? Why did I wear/post that?” I’ve definitely been there but I really try not to dwell/ruminate on the past. Live and learn and all that! Great food for thought, Shelbee!
    Gina || On the Daily Express

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 10, 2019 at 1:24 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Gina! It’s probably better to just not look back at it! Ha. I just took photos this morning and while I felt great looking in the mirror, the photos have made me feel less than once again. Hopefully, this will pass soon and I will fake it until it does! Thanks for uplifting me this morning. I hope you have a wonderful day!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Maureen

    April 11, 2019 at 2:52 am Reply

    Beautiful outfit Shelbee! You are a show stopper and love your shoes. The embroidery makes them unique. I don’t know why we are critical of ourselves and I think this issue plagues women more than men. My brothers, dad and hubby never seem to be bothered. When I struggle with being unkind to myself, I focus on something else until I can figure out what triggered my reaction.

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 11, 2019 at 9:55 am Reply

      Maureen, thank you so much! I agree, this issue does seem to be much more prevalent among females than males. And focusing on something else is very sound advice. That is what I have been trying to do all week to get out of this funk! I appreciate your comment and your suggestion. Have the most wonderful day, my friend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 12, 2019 at 1:02 pm Reply

      Wow, Paul, thank you so very much for that. It’s funny because there are days when I look in the mirror and simply cringe in disgust. Then literally the next day, I look at the same person in the same mirror and smile with pride. So weird how our brains operate. I very much appreciate your lovely compliment after the rough week I’ve had inside my own brain! I hope you have a fantastic weekend ahead.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Laurie

    April 11, 2019 at 12:45 pm Reply

    Why is it that we treat ourselves worse than we would ever treat another human being? My hubby always tells me that I am so hard on myself. Why? Thanks for making me think about this topic. You are exactly right – we should show ourselves the same kindness, compassion, and acceptance that we show to others!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 12, 2019 at 1:00 pm Reply

      Laurie, thank you for sharing your personal experience with me. I have no idea why we do this to ourselves. It is that awful inner monologue…when it goes rogue, it is a bad, bad thing. Fortunately, I am finally feeling more like my confident, positive self today. But it has been a rough week, for sure, in the dark recesses of my brain. I hope you have a blessed weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Chrissy

    April 15, 2019 at 11:54 am Reply

    Hello my beautiful friend! Your post tab has been open on computer so I wouldn’t forget to comment. Well, hello Monday morning and hello moments to myself! Ok, so I know you love all this transparency goodness so here you go…sometimes I get frustrated that even in realm of faith, we struggle with these doubts. I think, “God, as one who has been freed from shame, guilt, given a new life, told I’m loved, renewed, given gifts of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) and has access to the very throne room of God via prayer – wouldn’t you think I could go through life without doubting who I am in YOU???” I have these conversations you know. lol. But I guess what it comes down to, is at the end of myself-doubting session, there is an underlying peace and even a hope. For example, this week I went well over my “balance” for time spent on my stuff vs. time spent on/with family. Felt like a heel. My boys are about to be 10 and I’m missing it. And the thoughts went from there. Oh, and I’m not even making real money on this blog (thought that’s not the main reason I blog – clearly). Anyway, the thoughts continued to spiral downward, but the next morning I woke up and took time to read…I read in Psalm 33 and honed in on verses 3 and 4. For the word of the Lord is upright and all His work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice, the earth is full of His lovingkindness.”. I was reminded that I am apart of the work He is doing – and He’s doing it faithfully. Ok. I’m forgiven and I’m still breathing so He’s not done with me. lol. And also, the earth is full of His lovingkindness. There’s so much evil in the world and that can be downright depressing but if I look around, I see a lot of goodness. He’s not done yet. My mind is renewed, my thoughts pointed in the right direction with a renewed sense of purpose…And this is a small example of what happens with me when I start self doubting. Sometimes it’s a tougher fight, but we in a battle every day sister. lol. Ok, this comment is ridiculously long. My apologies – don’t block me just yet -😉. Biggest of hugs to you!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      April 15, 2019 at 12:45 pm Reply

      Chrissy, I would NEVER block you for sharing all of the amazing thoughts and ideas that go through your beautiful mind! It’s funny because this was a bad slump that I was in, but all the while I knew it would pass and I would come back around to my normal optimistic, happy, positive self. It just seemed to take a bit longer on this one. But then suddenly, I woke up on Friday feeling about 90% better which progressed into Saturday feeling a million times better. And then on Sunday, I attended a class/workshop on The Laws of Attraction, and I knew that my journey is just as sacred and important as anyone’s and that sometimes it is okay to fall off of our elevated vortexes because there is always something more powerful than us lifting us right back up to the place where we belong. So yes, I love your transparency and I love that you share it with me. It is these connections, these amazing, wonderful connections that make the whole darn thing so worthwhile! Love you, soul sister! And I am so glad that you always find your way back around as well.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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Shelbee on the Edge