A Kindness Conundrum & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #156
We all know what kindness is, what it means, and can usually recognize it when it happens. At its most basic definition, kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, or considerate. But I have recently stumbled upon quite the conundrum of kindness. Certain things that people do or say with the appearance of kindness, but the result is irritating the hell out of me.
In this world of social media, I suppose that messages can absolutely be lost in translation. We have only words typed on a screen without seeing a person’s face, hearing the tone of their voice or the inflections they use when delivering the message. One mistyped word or accidentally omitted word can shift the entire communication to a meaning that is completely opposed to the writer’s intent. On the other hand, a message that consists of simply one single word, can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways.
I am very analytical by nature and as such an over thinker. While I try to take compliments at face value, sometimes the manner in which they are delivered trigger me into an overall analysis of intent. There is this thing happening on my social media. I am sure I am not alone on this, but I can only speak of my personal experience.
Yes, I understand that the very nature of what I do in the world of blogging opens me up to all sorts of things. And having public profiles on social media leaves me even more vulnerable to uncomfortable advances from strangers. Notice I used the word “uncomfortable” instead of “unwanted”. Of course, I want people to click and like and comment when I post things. This is my business and the more exposure gained, the better it is for my business. However, there are times when comments and messages delivered under the guise of “kindness” are perhaps not as kind as they appear to be.
Maybe you already know where I am going with this. Maybe not. I am not talking about the people I know who post lovely compliments and share helpful feedback with me in the comments on my various social media platforms. I even welcome emails with requests and suggestions and questions and all sorts of other relevant stuff. Share, share away. I love to hear from you.
It is the compliments and advances that come to me from people I don’t know by way of private or direct messages on my social media platforms. The manner in which the messages are delivered give me a sense of unease. For example, a comment shared publicly on an Instagram post that states, “You are so beautiful,” makes me smile and blush a little and I will reply with a humble thank you. But the same message sent to me privately through the direct messenger apps on Instagram and Facebook leave me incredibly uncomfortable as I spiral into an analysis as to why the message had to be sent privately. If the intent is merely to deliver a compliment driven by kindness, then just post it in the public comments. Hiding behind the privacy of direct messenger makes me question the intent.
Even those simple one word messages that say only, “Hello” or “Hi” leave me incredibly skeptical as to the writer’s motive. Why are you reaching out privately? Is there a hidden agenda that you are trying to keep concealed from the viewing public? What is that agenda? And why oh why does it make me so unbelievably uncomfortable?
I do not respond to any of these messages on Instagram. I merely glance at them, allow my nerves to be shaken for a moment, and then delete them with a bit of exasperation. But when they come to me in Facebook messenger, I have to answer them otherwise Facebook puts that annoying little memo on the side bar of your business page that says you don’t respond to messages. So if I get one of those bothersome one word messages in Facebook, I simply reply with a one word response of my own, a simple “hi” or “thanks” hoping that the conversation will end there. It never does. And more times than not, it turns into perverted requests for photos of a sexual nature that always end in my having to take the time to block the person.
I have to be clear…another person’s desire to see me naked is not a compliment and it is not flattering. It is downright deplorable and incredibly annoying. Now if a person is genuinely interested in getting to know more about me, I will engage. But your initial message contacting me better be one that piques my interest. “Hello” does not pique my interest, it only irritates me. Give me more. Give me something worthy of a response. I am not a small talk kind of girl. I need substance and thoughtfulness, depth and interest. Engage me with something fascinating.
Messages that serve no other purpose but to grate on my nerves are things like the following. Yes, I have received many messages of this sort in one variety or another.
- “I like your tights.”
- “Post more pictures of your legs.”
- “I want to see you without glasses.”
- “Can you make a video for me?”
- “Hey baby.”
- “You are sexy as hell.”
- “I am in love with you.”
- “Hello.”
- “Hi.”
There is literally an infinite amount of sentences that you could send that would trigger me to respond in a kindly and interested manner. If you have not taken the time to draft a unique and compelling message to introduce yourself, why on earth should I spend my valuable time writing a response? Be creative, be thoughtful, be considerate, and for the love of my English degree, please be literate. Illiterate messages might very well annoy me more than the perverted ones. Combine those two attributes into one message and you may just see my head explode.
Also, if I didn’t request a picture of you or your private parts, please don’t send those either. No woman on earth wants to open their email or messenger app to an unsolicited close up photo of some guy’s penis. It really does not have the effect that you think it has. It is downright disturbing and annoying and can never be unseen once it is seen. You are merely causing psychological damage, not spreading kindness!
And if you are simply looking for a date, a one night stand, or a love connection, there are over 1,500 dating apps available for people just like you. So in the interest of being kind, find another way to share genuine compliments without a motive.
I am going to leave you with this question. For something to be truly kind must it also be without a motive other than kindness itself?
And now your featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Kellyann of This Blonde’s Shopping Bag shared her post, What Ages Us With Ageless Style. I am so fascinated by this post because it shows us that with years and experience we gain wisdom and confidence but we still remain vulnerable in our humanness as we age. Stop by and see what Kellyann considers her biggest insecurities even at this stage of confidence and wisdom of the years.
My Favorite Fashion Post
Bo of Bo’s Bodacious Blog shared a really great outfit and a really great message to step into 2020 in her post, These Boots Were Made for Walking…Happy New Year! From the sassy boots to the gorgeous poncho to the adorable head wrap to the enthusiastic message, Bo is making me want and need to step up my game in the next decade!
My Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Carrie of A Stylish Fit shared a very motivating post, Numbering My Days, speaking about her intentions as she goes forth into the new year, the new decade, and the remaining years of her life. None of us knows how many years or days we actually have, so it is so very important to make every single one of them count.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Skirt-Thrifted (Loft) / Turtleneck and Gloves-Target / Jacket-Old Navy / Tights-Torrid / Shoes-Steve Madden / Earrings, Necklace, and Scarf-Old / Hat-The Jakobs Ferry Stragglers
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
65 Comments
Tiina L
Are you referring to those ’men’ who follow every middle-aged female blogger on Instagram or Twitter? You know, ’John3456’ or something? They’re always ’doctors’, or ’generals’, in some far-away exotic place. And when you check who they follow, it’s just women. And sometimes they send you a private message with just ’hi’ or ’you’re beautiful’.
I just block them. Sometimes I report them as spam. They’re just scammers: after a few messages they want to marry you and for you to send them money.
Although, if I had more time, I sometimes think I’d like to see how far they’d go, you know, scam the scammer. But that’s only because I’m not a kind person but a self-declared bitch.
And then there are the perverts, the ones asking for pictures etc. I just block them, and report them. I don’t have time to waste on them. I’m fine being the object of other people’s fantasies, as long as they keep them to themselves.
I bet every blogger has similar experiences, but I’m not entirely sure if this is what you meant.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yes, Tiina, those are the ones! The Instagram ones just make me sigh and then I delete the message. It’s the Facebook ones that really piss me off because it messes up my reliability factor if I don’t respond. So annoying! I, too, don’t mind being the object of someone’s fantasy, but my goodness, do keep it to yourself! I hate to say it, but I am glad that I am not the only one getting all this nonsense! Sorry that you have to deal with it, too, but so, so glad that I am not some special target! I can’t even think about trying to scam the scammer because it creeps me out too much to even interact! By the way, I laughed out loud that you are a self declared bitch! Haha. Thanks for that. I needed it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Midlife and Beyond
Social media and blogging opens us up to all kinds of people, unfortunately the bad as well as the good and I’m learning it can be a strange place to be sometimes. I’ve met some great people through the blog and the year and a bit I’ve been doing this, who are genuinely lovely and that keeps me going as I’m sure it does you too. I never read my direct messages on Instagram. The question is why don’t these people go on Tinder or a dating site. Very strange. Have a lovely week Shelbee. It looks freezing where you are so wrap up warm.
Alison xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Alison, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic. I have received messages from people I didn’t know which were genuine and thoughtful messages. I respond to those and I am glad that I have because I also have made some really great friends that way, male friends even. I usually do some stalking myself before I answer a message though to make sure they are legitimate actual people with real social media accounts. It is a very strange world, indeed. I don’t know why these people don’t go on dating apps. Maybe they were obnoxious on those and got banned!
By the way, I took these photos a while back in the middle of a snow storm. Recently, our weather has been quite mild and there is no snow on the ground right now. But there is some coming this week.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Hahaha, I know it’s not to laugh at! But isn’t it hilarious though. I mean what do these men think? I got a email yesterday from a Dutch guy/man? I am going to make it my mission to track down his url! Haha idiot! Have a great day love!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ha, thanks, Nancy! It is kind of funny when you really think about it even though it is totally irritating. The amount of men who do this astounds me…because it shows that this is an actual thing that people think works. Maybe it does work because they just keep coming. So many of them. I hope you do track the guy!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
So sorry that you receive these type of messages sometimes. I get them from time to time too and it’s so irritating! I love that you get real and face these people head on in this post. Love this cozy chic look!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Kathrine! I just don’t understand why there are so many of these people…like this is an actual real thing that lots of people do. It’s so strange to me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Yvonne Chase
When I get messages like the ones you mentioned, I don’t even give them a second thought. They have zero effect on me. I delete and block immediately then move on with my day. That’s my way of being kind to me.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yvonne, thanks so much for sharing your experience. That is a great way of being kind to yourself! I need to stop overthinking this kind of nonsense. My issue is more with the Facebook ones that mess up my response rating if I don’t reply. The Instagram ones are just mildly annoying and I delete them.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
I’m sorry you get messages like that. I’ve gotten some too and I just block and delete.
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks for reading, Jennifer! I don’t even take the time to block them. I just delete them. But the Facebook ones are the ones that really mess me up because it screws up my reliability rating and stuff if I don’t reply. Ugh.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
Shelbee you are my hero! Good for you for speaking your mind. You are so right – why would anyone send a picture of a body part and think it will be welcomed by the recipient? All I can think is that it must work some of the time for them to continue, but, yeah, this is not the space for that.
What a pleasant surprise to see my post was so well received – actually quite a shock!
Have a wonderful week and stay warm my friend!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so much! Seriously, some of the messages I receive are so bizarre that I can’t help but go straight into analytical mode to try to figure out what the hell they are thinking, what’s their motive and purpose. It is so strange yet so fascinating to me sometimes. Not that I want to engage with these creeps, but I would like to understand better. They must receive positive responses somewhere along the line to keep them at it, but maybe they are just that tenacious and simply get their own thrill just from sending the messages even if they never receive a response. I have no idea, but I am intrigued at the same time that I am irritated!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pam Ecrement
Well said, Shelbee! You were far kinder than I would be if those sorts of things were showing up on my social media.
I might add one other thought about kindness. If it is really said or done to benefit yourself or get something from the other person, it is never kindness. It is selfish, self-serving, boundary-violating, abusive tripe, and absurd foolishness these persons would think you were so naive as to be flattered by such statements. They had missed your substance completely, but that was never their interest anyway!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pam, thank you for this brilliantly stated rebuttal to all the social media nonsense! You have stated it perfectly…they are missing the substance and just viewing us women as objects of their mere physical desire. I am so much more than that and I guess that is the part that really irritates me! If I am desired because of my substance, then I am completely flattered!
xoxo
Shelbee
Shauna
I have to say – social media is the worst. I’m beyond over it! You have the perfect attitude towards those rude commenters and your revenge can be this cute look because it’s SO GOOD. You go, girl!!
Shauna
http://www.lipglossandlace.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Shauna! The social media stuff is ridiculous yet so fascinating sometimes (because the human psyche completely intrigues me)! I love your attitude that my cute look is revenge. It’s like I am taunting them or something…”Hey look how cute I am and I am not even going to give you the time of day!” LOL
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
First of all, I am LOVING this outfit. Skirts are so hard for me to style and this looks just perfect! The colors go so well together too! Loving that eggplant color!
I’ve had some “strange” people follow me on instagram as well (seems like daily now), my account is public too but I get notifications saying so and so wants to send me a message. I’ve not once clicked approve or whatever I have to click to see those messages, so I have never seen what they write. I figured it’s some sort of spam. I use instagram private message only with people I know. Luckily I’ve not received any of these on my facebook page yet…Do these people ever realize they are wasting their time!!!
Thanks for hosting the linkup!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Ellie! I had gotten away from wearing skirts for a long time, but now I am on this tights kick, so I went back to skirts!
I am so fascinated by the strangeness of these messages that I do click and read them, then I just delete them. Apparently on IG, they don’t even know if you have read the message unless you hit the “accept” button, which I never do. It is the Facebook ones that really bug me. Not only are these people wasting their own time, but they are wasting mine as well! Although, I think they have nothing better to do with their time except to stalk unsuspecting people on social media.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ashley
Oh man, creepy people on the Internet are such a THING. I get the same sort of requests- lots of comments about my thighs (like wtf), legs, etc. It’s so ODD to me- like, does this work? Does anyone actually send you (the creepy commenter) back a photo? Or change the way they post + what content they post to accommodate your desire to “see your sexy legs”? What in the hell, right?
I once got a sketch (like someone took the time to DRAW IT IN PENCIL) of “me” (I’m guessing it was me?) and whoever sent it literally having sex on a couch. In the drawing, I’m wearing socks (such an odd choice). IT WAS SO DISTURBING. Like I would be generally freaked out if I knew that the person lived nearby/knew where I lived. But also hilarious. Like… dude, you’re such a loser? I saved the photo (ha) and now I whip it out when people ask, “Okay, so what’s the craziest thing anyone has ever sent you?”
It’s just wild to me that people would even have the nerve to do these sorts of things- but I guess hiding behind a keyboard/username makes it easier…? I don’t know, man- so not my thing.
Love that you addressed this! 🙂
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
OMG Ashley, I am seriously laughing out loud so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face! First of all, can you please, please, please email me this sketch! I NEED to see it! Second, my feelings are so on point with yours…I wonder how and why this is an actual thing that people do. Does it really work some of the time? What the hell are they thinking? Some of it makes me laugh, some of makes me curious, some of it frightens me. I get that people have all sorts of weird likes and fetishes and I am totally okay with that. I don’t even mind the simple requests that I sometimes get as long as they are respectful and polite. I have even indulged some because why the heck not…it’s all in fun anyway. But sometimes it crosses the line into the realm of downright ignorant and rude and offensive. Like this one guy on IG is always making comments about my glasses and demanding that I post pictures not wearing them. He has even asked what my prescription is. And then went so far as to comment on a photo of my kid in his glasses. That one crossed the line! Keep my kid out of your weird glasses thing, dude, whatever the heck it is! Thanks for making me laugh today! I needed it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
I get these direct messages too on IG and I just block them! There are a lot of perverted men out there! LOL! Or, they’re just scammers! I love this look on you, but gosh you have been getting a lot of snow where you are! Brr! We still have snow on the ground here, too. I love the pop of that burgundy skirt!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carrie! You know, I honestly never thought about the scamming angle of these. I just assumed pervs! LOL. But I guess if they tap into that one desperate person who is looking for love and can get some money from them, then social media may very well be a scammer’s dream!
These photos were taken a while back during one of the snow storms we have had this season. Right now, the ground is clear from snow, but there is more coming. We still have a lot of winter left in these parts!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lizzie
Yikes! I can, sadly, identify with this and I feel the same way. When people say something nice or sweet on my photos, it makes my day (except when it’s a creepy guy haha)! Now when they send the same message via DM, it makes me feel anxious and uneasy. I used to get a ton and I just would block them. Luckily, I have not had to endure any body part photos! The one that is a bit annoying is FB for the same reason you said above. It shows your response time and I don’t want it to look like I’m just ignoring people but sometimes people send things that don’t require an answer and although I love talking with followers, I don’t have time to spend hours conversating back and forth. It’s hard to know where to draw the line in that instance because you don’t want to come off ungrateful or rude but you’ve got things to do lol!
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Well said, Lizzie! That is exactly the way I feel! I love interacting with people as well but I don’t have the time either to engage in an ongoing message conversation. I have had some men message me on Facebook to state that they enjoy my posts, my outfits and my content. These messages are very flattering and also supportive, so I will engage. And they don’t go into the creepy realm. I am totally okay with those. I can even handle the little bit of flirting that comes with some of them. That is totally fine, too. But when they get perverted, demanding, and often nasty when I refuse to engage, that is when I have had enough. And some start out fine but then go to a place that I am not at all interested in. I think, however, that I discovered a way on Facebook where it won’t effect your response time. If you go into the message thread and click “Mark as Done” I believe that Facebook recognizes that as a response. But I have only done that when I have already responded and need to end the conversation. I don’t know if that works if you don’t respond at all.
Thanks for sharing your experience and your thoughts on the topic!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Ugh. I totally get your frustration. I had to let go of Instagram for a while. I had so many of those inappropriate messages from trolling men I couldn’t take it anymore. Of course, this limits any brand offers and such since IG and hashtags are where it’s at. But I wonder, sometimes, if using social media is really necessary? I have very nice followers on Facebook so I’m going with that. It can be tough putting ourselves out there, I know. Maybe take a social media break? It has helped me. Hang in there, my friend.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Darlene, for sharing your experience and joining the discussion. I really like using IG and have made some great connections through it. I guess I just needed to vent and also I wanted to see if others experience the same thing. We need to take the good with the bad, I suppose! Maybe these creepers will click on the link on my IG post and read this article! Hahaha. Wishful thinking, I know.
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Yes, let’s hope so!! Thanks for letting all of us share and vent.
Jill
I get similar messages from time to time and I immediately block and delete. They are so annoying and inappropriate! The other ones that irritate me (harmless and in a different category) are those that message me to let me know that if I follow them, they will gladly follow me back! Your outfit is so cute and cozy! Love your beanie!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jill, for the lovely compliment and for joining the discussion! I had to laugh at the follow for follow messages! I have only had a few of those, but I have a funny story. I sent an invitation to like my blog Facebook page to basically everyone on my personal Facebook friend list. There was a blogger on there, I don’t even really know who she is, but I had liked her blog Facebook page months before. When she received my invitation to like my page, she sent me the nastiest message on Facebook telling me that I was rude for requesting a like from her when I didn’t like her page, which I did, but from my personal page because I have yet to figure out how to like as Shelbee on the Edge. In any event, it was a really long message blasting me for being so rude! All I did was request a like from a person whom I had already granted that same courtesy. In hindsight, I should go unlike her page except I don’t even remember who it was and that would take more time than I am willing to give right now. LOL
xoxo
Shelbee
ROBIN LAMONTE
Shelbee,
So funny to see you talking about the creepy men on Instagram that are spammers!
I had to change my phone number to my business number because of the 2:00 am calls from weirdos!
This was to be private information yet they found it!
I only like Instagram to connect with the marketing people who are millennials for collaboration.
Otherwise, my blog is where I would rather be!
Hang in there! You’re not alone!
Robin
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Robin, thanks so much for joining the discussion! I do like IG for connecting with lots of different people. I have made some great connections there with men, women, and brands. I guess I just needed to vent. I am appalled that you were getting creepy phone calls! Ew! So gross!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
It saddens me that creeps like them ruin things. Have a little class. It sucks that a few jerks don’t get it. Being respectful is the key to stuff. I guess that is maybe why males get a bad name. The idiots ruin it for everyone else. It really pisses me off. Sorry that you have to go through that. I have IG and no one sends me those kind of messages.
Any way looking very nice and I love how the snow covers your shoes. Very nice. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thanks so much for chiming in with a male perspective! I have to say though that they don’t ruin it for all men because I totally still engage with men who are respectful and thoughtful and courtesy and genuine and have something of substance to offer. Like you, my friend! Thank you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
Block, delete…block, delete…rinse, repeat! It is a daily problem more so on Instagram although just today I deleted a conversation on Facebook. Regardless of the effect to my page, I refuse to entertain it. If I’m feeling particularly froggy I call them out on it and then block them. Typically though I just block and delete. Sometimes people are so absurd…xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Debbie, thanks so much for joining in the discussion! I have really just been deleting for now and that is usually enough. But if they persist, I will go to blocking. I currently have one on Facebook who was messaging asking me to “show my sexy panties.” Like really, dude? Ew. Just ew. So I politely asked him to refrain. He stopped. But only for a few days, then started leaving that same request in the public comments. Which I deleted last night while I was on my phone. And now I am reminded that I must get on Facebook and block him as well (I couldn’t figure out how to block from my phone). It is way more irritating when you call them out on it, tell them it’s inappropriate and ask them stop, but they continue. That part I really don’t understand!
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
My facebook pages are full of creepy men trying to “friend” me and creepy messenger attempts. I block them all. One of the downsides of social media, for sure. Kindness: for me, just is. No motives. just being. Not done for anything in return. ps I have encountered bullying for being a blogger and am beginning to see that “it goes with the territory” whether I like it or not. Not nice at all. I would always say: trust your intuition. If things make you feel bad – it probably is not you, it’s the reaction to something which is not good.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thanks so much for joining the discussion! I guess the creepiness really does come with the territory of putting ourselves out there. We have to take the good with the bad. I have been laughed at for being a blogger (not necessarily bullied) and it really is so very unkind to laugh at another person’s occupation and passion. But again, we have to have thick skin to do what we do. I just get so fascinated by people’s actions and reactions. I like your approach to just follow your intuition!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
There’s a well known blogger that we all visit as she holds link parties and she finds it necessary to comment on my blog posts via email rather than on the blog post. It’s like she’s afraid to let others know what she’s thinking. Go figure!! Thanks so much for hosting! I’m linking up with TOP 10 POSTS OF 2019 AT GRAMMY’S GRID. My #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 8 is open until the 26th if you’d like to link up!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Dee, thanks for joining the discussion. That is very strange, indeed. I honestly don’t know who it is because I don’t receive any comments via email about blog posts except the occasional ones that come in reply to my replies. But I think those happen by accident because they aren’t coming from just an isolated few bloggers and they only come in response to a reply, never the initial comment. I will definitely be over to check out your posts and join your link party! Thanks for the heads up!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
That particular blogger emails me directly via my contact tab and comments on particular blog posts in a negative way. I told her it sounds like she’s not brave enough to leave a public comment. She said she was not afraid to do so, however she has yet to do it.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh wow, Dee. I am sorry that you have to deal with that.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
There are just too many strange people out there, don’t you think?? Granted, that anonymity makes it easier for them.
Love the hat BTW, and there’s an awful lot of snow I see….EEEK!!
OXOX
Jodie
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thanks for reading and commenting! So much strangeness in this world, for sure. And I know there are lots of people who consider me strange. But I try really hard not to violate other’s boundaries! I am intrigued by it all though because the human mind and how it works and what makes people do the things they do really fascinates me. By the way, it is not snowy at all right now. Just kind wet and dreary with no snow except in the forecast. I took those pictures in the beginning of December. Fingers crossed the snow stays away…at least until Jeff gets home!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Of all the whackadoo comments and messages I’ve gotten on IG, I think my favorite was from the bunion fetishist. Yes, apparently that is a thing, and I had no idea I was exposing myself to it by partnering with a company that makes shoes that accommodate bunions! I will say, 99% of my interactions on social media (or maybe 95%) are positive and welcome; it’s only a small percentage that gives me the yucks. But for the latter, that’s why we have block and delete. I use both without any remorse whatsoever!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thanks so much for joining the discussion! And also thanks for making me chuckle. I am sorry that you had to deal with the bunion guy but it did make me laugh! So oddly enough, just last night I stumbled upon an article that listed the top 200-plus sexual fetishes and I had to read it. There are some really bizarre ones…but I did not see bunions specifically on that list (maybe it fell under the general foot fetish one). I want to say that at least half of the fetishes on the list gave me the yucks! But to each his own, I suppose, just leave me out of it. I mean, the mild ones, those I might indulge my partner, but I think both parties need to be on board! I am learning to be more proactive with my block and delete as well. And I even started reporting all the annoying spam comments to Google!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
Thankfully somehow I’ve only gotten one or two! I did get a text message once though! I accidentally had my number visible on insta and some guy texted me! At least he was polite enough to stop when I said it made me uncomfortable. There are so many strange people out there!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thanks so much for joining in on the discussion. A text message is really over the top, in my opinion! I wonder if these people get nervous about soliciting strange women. Like do they stalk us out first and develop crushes to the point that their hearts race in anticipation that we will reply? Or are they just blasting a whole bunch of women with really no feelings at all hoping one will respond? It is all so strange to me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Leslie Susan Clingan
Hello, new friend…we travel in many of the same blogging circles but I am new to your blog. So glad to have found you through the Good Buy-Good Bye post for this month. So nice to meet you.
Ditto all day long to wait you have said in this post. If someone legitimately just wants to say hi or leave a compliment, why would they need to do that privately or using a false name or alias. About once a month, I get a notice that someone named ‘Bloglover’ has started following me on Bloglovin’. When I try to see who Bloglover is, there appears to be no such person. Or an x-rated link for a made up account. If only those people would put those energies into doing something positive, rather than doing something unkind, unsolicited.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Hi Leslie, I am so glad to make your acquaintance! Thanks so much for stopping by and joining the discussion. And I agree completely with what you say…if these people have so much time on their hands to create fake accounts and solicit strangers all day long, why not use that energy and time for something productive. It would be so much better! And if they are truly looking for a date or a love connection of some sort, maybe they need to go out into the world and meet actual real people! Heading over to check out your blog now. Have a wonderful day!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I am always amazed at one some people think will trigger interest. When I was using OKCupid a few years back, I’d get that one word opening, “Hi!.” That never got my attention and I was looking for a date! LOL! I think the weirdest place I received overtures was on the games Words with Friends and Boggle. And I have a friend who thanks senders of unsolicited penis pics for providing another photo for her upcoming book. LOL!
Michelle
http://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thanks for joining the discussion! I am amazed as well at the lack of interest a person will exhibit when they are seemingly interested. It is kind of mind boggling. My husband has joined a few poly groups on Facebook and I have considered that just to find a community of like minded people, but I am seriously afraid of it…because I feel like there are creepers everywhere and I don’t want to be bombarded by even more from yet another social media community. I guess I need to start leaving my house again and meet people organically out in the world because so many online people are just too weird…even for me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Chrissy
It’s not meant to be funny, but I laughed out loud at your “no woman in the world wants to see..”. Nope we don’t respond that way. lol. Sorry you’re being bombarded with weirdness Shelbee. On another note, you’re rocking that skirt and I like the tied look you styled with the top. Of course I love that beanie and miss wearing them! Florida is putting out temps in the 80s right now. Come back cool weather!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Chrissy, it’s okay that you laughed! I meant that part to be funny. Because, seriously though, we are not wired that way. I don’t know any woman who responds favorably to unsolicited male nudity. Now if I ask for it specifically, that is an entirely different story! LOL Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts and for the lovely compliment! You need some crocheted beanies made of lightweight linen like my friend Linda Gibbs makes! I can wear those all summer without getting too hot.
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
Hi Shelbee
Wow, look at that snow! I wouldnt mind a few flakes now and then but dont miss shoveling! Anyhow, back to topic!
I agree! I dont think people need to Dm messages if it is a matter of just being nice, kind or making a kind comment. Usually I would think there is another motive.
I have to laugh a bit at the “dont send me pictures of your private parts”, “You cant unsee that!” I never received those kind of pics thank God!
I remember saying to my nephew lately, “Whatever happened to true Altruism?” which left him utterly befuddled!
Love your cute cap and the mix of olive and burgundy!
jess xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much for joining the discussion! It is so ridiculous, isn’t it, the way people operate behind social media? There is actually not any snow right now. I took these photos back in the beginning of December. I hope it stays snowless at least util Jeff gets home.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Sparks
We ladies do have to use discernment about comments online and otherwise.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yes, we absolutely do, Lauren!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
Thanks so much for linking up with me at my #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 8. My themed party 9 for All Things Crochet is open until January 25 if you have any appropriate posts.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Dee! I do not have any posts for that link up. But I appreciate your unlimited party!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anna Shirley
Oh, Dear, you made me laugh! I had to laugh because otherwise, I would be crying. I’m receiving such unwanted and uninvited messages as well. And I’m not afraid to use the word “unwanted.” I don’t see my on-line presence so much differently from my off-line presence. I’m online because I would like to share my passion with like-minded people, or I’m looking to learn something I need. I don’t want to receive the men naked pictures to my DM’s as much as I don’t want to men showing me their penises on the street when I’m going do my grocery shopping, or I’m on my way to work. There are unique places where both interested parties can go and get what they wanted – Tinder and many many other apps. I can deal with it. Like somebody else wrote before me: Delete, block, and repeat. It is annoying, time-consuming, and I’m sure somehow psychologically damaging. But I know what to do and how to cope. What makes me cringe is something else. The ladies commenting before me are mostly like me – middleaged. If we are receiving such messages so often, can you imagine with what amount of this must deal much younger women and even children??? This is horrifying because they are more vulnerable, easily manipulated and psychological damage is much bigger.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anna, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I was thinking the same thing, if we middle aged women are receiving all of this unwanted sexual attention, what is happening to the younger generations? Or perhaps these men think that because we are middle aged that we are the vulnerable ones, perhaps feeling undesirable because of our age? I have no idea. But it definitely confounds me. I have just been ignoring it all and deleting and blocking when necessary.
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
I never open a message on facebook, Instagram or twitter anymore unless they are from people I know or bloggers I feel like I know. I do not want to know what they say so I do not have to worry about it for a long time as I have before. Love how you have snow and your outfit looks perfect for the occasion:) Thanks for sharing at Welcome To The Weekend Blog Hop, hope to see you tomorrow for The Wednesday Link Up 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Claire! I might be just a little too curious to just not open the messages! Haha. So I guess I have only myself to blame when I get irritated. But I am getting way better at just ignoring and deleting so I don’t get all worked up about the nonsense. You definitely have the right idea!
xoxo
Shelbee