A Girl Walked into a Bar & Link Up On the Edge #119

November 9, 2018 / 52 Comments
This is not a sponsored post.

You know that old philosophy that people come into your life for a reason? Everyone has a purpose to serve within each encounter and each relationship. What that purpose is will differ with each individual dynamic and each separate event. Some people will push you. Some will challenge you. Some will question you. Some will teach you. Some will frustrate the hell out of you. Some will bring you pleasure. Some will bring you pain. Some will enrich you. Some will empower you. Some will feed your intellect. Some will fuel your soul. Some will hate you with a passion. And some will love you with no bounds. So many will come into your life. And so many will subsequently leave. Many will stay around for a brief period of time. And many will be in your life forever. No matter the duration, the reason, the experience, each relationship that you have had in your lifetime will have served some purpose in creating the person who you are right now. And the people you will meet in the future will serve some purpose in creating the person you will become.

Sweater: Solitary Consignment.
Top and Pants: Torrid.
Boots: Charlotte Russe.

We are social creatures by our very nature. Some more so than others. But the reality remains that we do need one another for a million different reasons. Even as those reasons may not always be known to us, our experiences and relationships of every sort are still so very important. I want to share a story with you on that topic.

Jewelry: Kohl’s.
Scarf: Kohl’s.

This is a story about a girl who walked into a bar. The purpose was to spend the evening out, enjoying food and beverages while engaging in stimulating conversation with some friends. The evening was going just as planned. Life’s greatest questions were debated, many laughs were had, and there was just an all around good vibe in a quiet empty bar on a random Wednesday night.

Watch: c/o Jord.
Belt: Gap.

In this bar, there was a lonely guy. Maybe he wasn’t so lonely. But he was alone. Sitting, observing, shyly waiting for an opportunity to join the conversation. He slowly moved closer to the girl until she invited him into the discussion. And as he moved his stool even nearer, the energy became magnetic. So strong that it could not be denied by him or her or anyone else sitting in the dim light of that taproom. The conversation began with all the generic frivolities that strangers use to test the waters. But quickly, very quickly, the man was deeply invested in a philosophical conversation that pulled the girl directly into a passionate debate. He posed a simple question, “If you could have a two week dream vacation better than you ever imagined right now with the only cost being that you would not remember any of it at the end, would you do it?”

Socks: DSW.

And with this question, a beautiful dance began between the two. She answered with an emphatic, “Of course I would. Who wouldn’t?” He posed a follow up question about the importance of memories. She answered with conviction that they were not necessary for enjoyment in the moment. He challenged. She stood her ground. He pushed the limits of her thinking and she resisted. He pushed some more. She resisted still. Eventually, after a few hours of this intense exchange, the night had to come to an end. The girl left the bar leaving only her name, her phone number, and a gentle kiss on the cheek. Not knowing if she would ever hear from the man again, she went home happy to have known him for only a brief moment in time. For in those few short hours, she felt a fulfillment that had been missing for quite some time. And that fulfillment was enough to sustain her.

Without expectations, she went about her contented existence in the days following this encounter. And when the phone call came a few days later, it brought butterflies of a sort that are generally reserved for teenage girls. The butterflies escorted her to a second engagement with the guy from the bar. The conversation was again deep and meaningful and returned to the importance of memories. The girl continued to insist that enjoying life’s precious moments in time did not require the existence of memories for the enjoyment to have existed. The guy pushed harder still to get her to acknowledge that perhaps memories carried some significance and probably more than she cared to admit. Over the course of the next three weeks, the couple met a few times each week, always returning to the discussion about memories.

Then, as was known from the outset, the guy had to leave, for he was just passing through this girl’s small little town…temporary and fleeting. On their final night together, no good-byes were spoken, no future plans were made. There was simply a comfortable understanding that what they had experienced was special beyond words but like all wonderful things, it had to end. And in that final moment, whether she spoke it aloud or not, I do not know, she conceded that the memories of this experience were of absolute importance and ones that she would not trade for all the dream vacations.

While she may not yet know the exact purpose this relationship served, she suspects it was meant to teach her to pay attention to the universe and what it’s trying to do. The cosmic ridiculousness may not be so ridiculous after all. The purpose may be foggy, but it is purpose nonetheless. And she knows that this experience will have a considerable impact on the woman she will become. She only hopes beyond all hope that the experience has affected the guy in a similar way. But this she may never know. And that has to be okay. Because the universe is brilliant and knows exactly what it is doing even when it leaves us with no explanation.

So I ask you this question, dear readers, would you go on a dream vacation if the cost was your memories of the entire experience? And have you been listening to what the universe is trying to tell you lately?

And now your featured favorites from last week.

Nina of Sharing a Journey shared her post, Styling Leopard for Fall. So many great outfits featuring leopard, but these booties have me swooning!

Nina of Sharing a Journey

Ashleigh of The Lady About Town shared her post, My Two Favorite Sweater Types. If you are looking for casual fall outfit inspiration, Ashleigh definitely provides that with these cozy sweater outfits!

Ashleigh of The Lady About Town


Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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52 Comments

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 11:52 am Reply

      Thank you so much, Kathrine! This was fun to write once the blogging muses decided to visit me…finally! And isn’t this sweater fabulous?! I was so excited when it came into the consignment shop…it never made it to the racks!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Chrissy

    November 9, 2018 at 12:10 pm Reply

    Very well written and fun to read Shelbee. Of course if I didn’t have the memory it would be as if I never lived it at all. I sure wish I had the time to contemplate this more! Ugh to deadlines I say!! but suffice it say that i will remember this fabulous outfit you shared…love the maroon and greens. 😉

  • Kim

    November 9, 2018 at 1:31 pm Reply

    Wow-zer, girl, great outfit! Those booties! As I was looking at your outfit, I was thinking, I really like burgundy and olive together, I should wear it more. Face palm! It’s what I’m wearing right now LOL! Regarding the philosophical question. It’s harder to answer because the vacation would basically imply hedonism–so I guess it doesn’t matter if you retain those memories or not, necessarily. But in the larger scheme of life, memories would be crucial for learning, growing, history, feelings of well being, gratitude and happiness. Have a great weekend, friend, I hope you are catching up with yourself. Hugs, Kim

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 8:46 pm Reply

      Kim, thanks so much for commenting! So funny that you are wearing olive and burgundy! Great minds dress fabulously!

      And I wonder why a dream vacation with no memories implies hedonism? Just the living in the moment for pleasure’s sake? I suppose that makes sense. I need to think more on that! But I totally agree that memories are so important for so many things. And I’m thinking all of life’s experiences, even the ones that are for mere pleasure, are still learning experiences in some way. Great discussion!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

      • Kim

        November 9, 2018 at 10:29 pm Reply

        I was using “hedonism” for argument’s sake–as in just for personal enjoyment… Not trying to make any judgements or say it would be wrong, don’t mean to cause any trouble.

        • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

          November 9, 2018 at 11:32 pm Reply

          Oh my goodness, Kim! No trouble caused at all. I apologize if my response sounded troubled at all. I was typing on my phone from work (which I have never done before) and I think I got myself all harried in wanting to respond thoughtfully but quickly. And it is super irritating typing any kind of thoughtful response from one’s phone! I was just intrigued by your use of the word hedonism in that situation, that was all…

          xoxo
          Shelbee

  • jodie filogomo

    November 9, 2018 at 2:14 pm Reply

    Now isn’t that the million dollar question, Shelbee?? The funny thing about memories are how they can differ from one to another. It’s not always fact per se but our own perspective coming through.
    And your first paragraph on how people come into our lives for a reason—-I always remember a poem about that. Basically some are like flowers and some are like tress, yet the world needs both!
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 8:42 pm Reply

      Jodie, thank you so much for joining the discussion! It really is a million dollar question, right? I have spent a lot of time chasing lost memories, too, and when I come up empty handed, I get so frustrated. And not only why are memories so different of similar experiences, but why do some people remember so much more than others. I have a terrible memory and it drives me nuts! Let’s keep pondering, I guess!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 8:34 pm Reply

      Anna, thanks so much for sharing your perspective on the topic. I am all about purpose. I do not think anything or anyone is without it. I’m so sorry to hear about your ex. That has to be so hard to watch and your fears are real and valid. Sending prayers.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patrick Weseman

    November 9, 2018 at 3:49 pm Reply

    Looking very nice. i would not go on the dream vacation because memories and experiences are what we learn from on a daily basis. I am trying to listen to what the universe is telling me. The connection has been fuzzy lately as it is this time of year with me. My goal these days is to make it to about January 7th or 8th and lose my shit on people. Just trying to keep it real.

    Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful weekend.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 8:32 pm Reply

      Patrick, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts on the topic. I have asked other people this question and it is striking me as odd that most women would take the vacation while many men would not. I don’t know what that means but it’s an interesting observation.

      I do hope you get back in touch with the universe and find more clarity soon! Keep your cool the best you can through the holidays. And vent if you need to here…it’s a safety zone!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 9, 2018 at 8:27 pm Reply

      Thank you, Lise! I do think memories are super important but I also think living in the moment is something we tend to forget. This story definitely does make one consider what would life be like if we were always just in the moment with no memories.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Perla Aguilar

    November 9, 2018 at 10:13 pm Reply

    What a beautiful story. I truly enjoyed reading this, but I am the type of person that does everything to hold on to memories. I love those boots by the ways! The gold detail is gorgeous! Have a wonderful weekend!

    -PerlaGiselle | iamperlita.com

    Say hello and let’s follow each other <3
    instagram.com/iamperlita

  • Susan

    November 9, 2018 at 10:16 pm Reply

    I would not do it. Even if my dream vacation is around the world a dozen times, what good would it do me? I couldn’t share it with anyone else, because I would’ve forgotten it. And if you don’t remember your perceptions, you don’t grow from them, so you are not enriched. Just my humble opinion.

    And, I just loved this:
    “Because the universe is brilliant and knows exactly what it is doing even when it leaves us with no explanation.”
    Yeah, it does. And faith in that statement is not something I wish to lose.

    Nice outfit too.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 10, 2018 at 12:32 am Reply

      Susan, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic! I am still quite undecided on whether or not I would take the trip. At first, I thought what the hell, why not, who cares if I remember it. But as I thought more about it, I am leaning more towards your line of thinking. And yes, the universe is a crazy bitch genius!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Lauren Sparks

    November 10, 2018 at 8:22 pm Reply

    Wow! That question might be too deep for my brain on a Saturday. Very thought provoking. I guess I might want to know if the happiness the trip created would carry over even if I didn’t know why. And I love that outfit on you! laurensparks.net

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 11, 2018 at 7:02 pm Reply

      Lauren, thanks so much! It is a pretty intense question to contemplate once you get past the surface of it! I still cannot figure out what I would do. But I like your line of thinking…if the happiness stayed with you that definitely makes a difference, for sure.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Maureen

    November 12, 2018 at 2:02 pm Reply

    What a thought provoking post Shelbee! Um, I would probably say that memories are important more so than the dream vacation. I say that because who I am today are part of memories that happened in my past – the lessons, rejection, love, etc. Without them I feel that I would be stagnant. Memories serve a purpose to remind us of our past, perhaps where we are going or where we want to be. It’s a cabinet of information and for me, I don’t think a dream vacation is worth it if I couldn’t remember what it felt like and how it truly was. I hope you had a great weekend and happy Monday!

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 12, 2018 at 4:06 pm Reply

      Maureen, this is the best response to this question so far! I love it. A “cabinet of information”…I love that image. And I can agree completely. Although, I still have not made a definitive decision on what I would do if faced with such a choice!

      I hope you have had a wonderful weekend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Dellene Becker

    November 13, 2018 at 5:31 am Reply

    Do you know at first I would have said I would take the dream vacation even without the memories but then without those memories the vacation no matter how dream or wish filled would mean nothing!….thought provoking post, thank you xo

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 13, 2018 at 11:08 am Reply

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic, Dellene! I still haven’t decided what I would do. It starts to hurt my brain when I think about it too much! But I am like you, my immediate response was “heck yeah, I would take the vacation” but now I’m not sure either.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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