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9 Guidelines for Effective Communication

October 5, 2020 / 26 Comments
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge

*I recently wrote this article for publication on Medium, but thought the content was worthy sharing here especially since the overarching theme of my 9 guidelines is kindness in communication. But if you don’t mind clicking over to the original article on Medium and giving it a read and a clap on that platform, I would really appreciate it! That is how I generate some income from my writing. It is all based on read time and claps and is a great way to make a little extra income doing what I love…writing (and communicating).

9 Guidelines for Effective Communication

I have always been fascinated by the way people communicate with each other within all types of relationships, personal or professional and everywhere in between. I think the fascination began nearly 10 years ago when I took a class on Family Therapy which focused primarily on family dynamics and the way family members communicate with each other. 

The way we communicate is very much a learned behavior. We learn our communication methods from the environments in which we are raised. Depending on the examples we have to follow during our malleable years, we become either very good communicators or very bad ones. And somewhere along the line, it is up to us to figure out which side we fall on and take the time to learn better techniques of communication if necessary. 

Over the past ten years, I have been paying closer attention to the way people communicate with each other. In these observations, I have discovered that the majority of people fail miserably at effective communication. And it has become sort of a pet peeve of mine. 

Granted we all fail at effective communication sometimes. It can happen to the best of us. But the interesting thing about a failed communication that has gone terribly wrong is that it can be easily fixed with effective communication. But effective communication requires certain things from all parties involved in the communication. I have narrowed it down to nine guidelines that will make effective communication a bit easier. These nine guidelines are fairly easy to follow with just a little bit of willingness to become a better human. 

jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge

In my experience, if all parties approach communication keeping these nine things in mind, arguments and misunderstandings will decrease at amazing rates and peace and understanding will become the new norm in human communication. Here are the nine guidelines:

1. Honesty.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Be precise and clear so little is left to subjective interpretation. Communication should never be a game of mind reading. None of us are capable of that and it will leave all parties involved in the communication frustrated and angry. 

2. Kindness.

When you are saying what you mean, say it in a gentle way. There is literally never a need for unkindness in communication if everyone is following these same guidelines. 

3. Patience.

Say what you need to say but then give your listener time to process the message and consider a response. We are all so quick to just fire reponses back and forth without ever really listening and hearing and taking time to understand. If you force an immediate reply, it can cause tension in the communication. Deliver your message and wait your turn. 

4. Attentiveness.

Pay attention to the other party involved in the communication. Observe their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and demeanor. As the person delivering a message, it is up to you to ensure that the recipient has interpreted it as intended. So be present in your communications.

5. Empathy.

Be considerate and gain some understanding about the feelings of the people you are communicating with. It is not up to you to determine if your message was offensive or upsetting. That part is tied to the subjective interpretation of the listener receiving your message. Be sensitive to that. 

6. Humility.

Always be humble in your communications. Never be condescending. No one ever takes kindly to that approach. Also, never be ashamed to ask for clarification. It is how we gain more understanding if we feel a little confused. 

7. Insight.

When failures in communication occur or mistakes are brought to light, own them. They are your mistakes. Listen to how they affected the other person, process whatever emotions come along with the situation, and use the whole experience to learn and improve your own communication skills. 

8. Forgiveness.

We cannot change the past and we should not expect that others have that ability either. Keep in mind that we all make errors in judgment, in facts, and in decisions. There is never a valid reason to keep a running score of these errors. We all need to just accept our own imperfections and forgive others for their downfalls. What is done is done. The past is behind us. The only direction we can go is forward. So process whatever emotions come along in these types of situations and then let it go. 

9. Sense of humor.

Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. If you can’t manage any of these other rules, always be able to laugh in any situation. It will save your soul.

jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge
jeans, long cardigan, fall fashion, fashion over 40, Shelbee on the Edge

After years of paying attention and working on my own communication skills, I do consider myself a good communicator; however, it took a lot of years and a lot of bad communication to learn what works effectively. Over the years, I have also incorporated all nine of these guidelines into every aspect of my life and it really does make for a much more peaceful and joyful existence.

This human journey is a bumpy ride and we all really need to just help each other along the way. Good communication is one method of doing that. 

How do you communicate?

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

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I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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