Here’s the Thing About Confidence…

I recently discovered this fabulous woman on Instagram…actually I think she may have found me first…and when I checked out her Instagram feed, I was so happy that she did find me. Her name is Rebecca and her feed is filled with words of kindness and an infectious confidence that you can’t help but feel equally great about yourself. This post was actually inspired by words she offered to one of her followers deep within a thread of comments. Yes, I was pulled in her by the beauty of this woman’s soul and could not pull myself away from reading all of the comments on her photographs. If you need to be uplifted today or any day, definitely follow her on Instagram @plussizeperfectwoman. I feel as if a great fortune has been dropped in my lap just by being able to witness what Rebecca does and how she does it. Rock on, beautiful lady!

And so, I have been inspired to write a post about confidence. Here’s the thing about confidence…it took me a lifetime to learn it…and I really want to share it…

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…You have got to fake it until you make it. For real. I don’t believe that we are born with confidence. How could we be? We come into this world shriveled up little helpless dependent beings. Sure, people coo over us and tell us over and over how adorable we are. But as we grow and gain more exposure to the world outside of our protected home environment where we are praised continuously, the harsh reality of competition sets in. At that first moment of failure or ridicule or just someone being mean…WHAM!…any confidence we may have had is slammed down in one quick punch! Then we spend our lives trying to rebuild it. Years of attempting to regain just a tiny bit of confidence to get through the day. And we are knocked down and built up over and over and over again. Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends and family who help to build us up. But many times, we need to be responsible for building our confidence ourselves…alone in our defeat, we need to find ways to build ourselves back up again. And the one sure fire way that I have discovered to do this is FAKE IT!

It works like this: Put on your actress/actor hat and play the role of confident being. Stay in this role for as long as you need to. Eventually, you start to believe in yourself and believe that you have confidence. And in the end, you actually have confidence.

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I struggled most of my life with “imposter syndrome.” No matter what role I was in, student, athlete, professional, wife, mother, I always felt like I was an imposter. Like I didn’t belong there because I simply wasn’t good enough. Who the hell did I think I was pretending to be something I wasn’t? I was definitely my own worst enemy. But I kept faking it anyway. I continued to feel like an imposter but I never really never let anyone else know. And eventually, over time, I started to believe in myself. Because imposter or not, I was doing the things that I didn’t believe that I could do. All the while doubting and disbelieving in myself, I still continued performing and succeeding. Then one day it dawned on me: wait a minute, I have been faking all along, or so I thought, but in reality I have been succeeding. And in the end, my self-confidence was born. In hindsight, it seems that I was the only person who didn’t believe in me anyway. Because even if I was faking, no one else knew that and they all thought I was legitimate.

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I often hear people who are struggling or feeling defeated saying that they can’t do this thing or that thing is too difficult. And my response will always be: But you are already doing it. And whether or not you are doing it well, at least you are doing it. And if you keep doing it, you will eventually do it well. And more importantly, you will realize that you are more capable than you ever believed. And in the end, your self-confidence will be born.

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So I leave you with this…thrive on strong people. Fight with all you’ve got. Uplift others if you see them struggling. And fake it ’til you make it.

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Do any of you struggle with self-confidence or imposter syndrome? Know that you are not alone. Even some of the most successful people out there have struggled, for instance, Maya Angelou. And I bet many of them used the “fake it ’til you make it” method!

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So in the meantime, I’m going to keep pretending that I am a legitimate blogger. I’m going to continue to fake it! Who’s with me?!

By the way, here is an outfit for you…since I like to show off my clothes! This is another one inspired by COTD Style…Colors of the Day were Seafoam Green and Dirt Brown.

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After snapping a few pictures, I decided I needed to be just a tad less formal for the day, so I opened the cardigan and changed my shoes. I was much more comfortable in the ballet flats for running kids around all day!

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Outfit details:
Cardigan: Max Studio (but it’s about a million years old!)
Tank and Skirt: Target(both clearance items)
Leaf Brooch and long necklace: Kohl’s (both clearance items)
Sandals: Mudd Women’s Strappy High Sandals from Kohl’s
Black Ballet Flats: Payless (similar)

Faking it on the edge,

Shelbee

whatiknow
Image Sources here

Linking with: Foxy’s Domestic Side, Shopping My Closet, Pumps and Pushups, Classy Yet Trendy, Sydney Fashion Hunter, Color and Grace, Jersey Girl, Texan Heart, The Mummy Chronicles, Pastries, Pumps, and Pi, The Pleated Poppy, Gracefullee Made, Living on Cloud Nine, Cappuccino and Fashion, My Refined Style , Claire Justine, Tucker Up, A Labour of Life, High Latitude Style, Doused in Pink, Katherine’s Corner, Happiness at Midlife, Elegance and Mommyhood, Curly Crafty Mom, The Red Closet Diary, Twenties Girl Style, Birth of a Fashion Blogger, Living in Color, Stylin’ in St. Louis, The Mix

Follow shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com:

I am a 40 something Army wife and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats named Dave and Frankie. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

20 Responses

  1. Madeleine

    Thanks for this post. I’ve played the imposter myself, most often to try and fit in to some social circle through out my life. I am slowly trying to morph into my true self. Whether you know it or not, you have been inspirational. Maybe I will dress up just for drop off and pick up at my son’s school. Not for other people to see, but for myself to feel good about who I am. Now… Which evening dress should I pull out :-)…..
    Thanks !

    • Thank you, Madeleine, for reading my posts! Sometimes we all feel like what we do goes unnoticed…being parents, children, siblings, friends, professionals, or stay at home moms. But even though we aren’t always aware of it, we are noticed and we are appreciated. Thank you for validating for me that there is a point to my blogging. I think we all tend to get lost in the shuffle every once in a while. So it is good to sometimes do something unexpected! It keeps other noticing you and it keeps you in touch with your true self. So I say go for it! I want to see you in that dress! Wait until you hear the compliments…it’s invigorating and a huge self-confidence builder. Go for it!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  2. Fake it Till You Make it has been my motto most of my adult life. You’re right, at some point you get the confidence and you don’t feel like an imposter anymore. Thanks for the inspiration! I love your printed skirt!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

    • Thanks so much, Jill! Sometimes I still feel like an imposter, but the frequency of that feeling definitely has diminished over the years! It’s nice to know we are not alone with these feelings.

      xoxo,
      Shelbee

  3. I think this is good advice for anyone who struggles with this issue. I like your outfit! That is a really pretty skirt!

    • Thank you so much, Amy! I just want people who struggle to not feel alone in their struggles. No matter what issue someone has, there is definitely someone else out there who deals with the same issue. And it is helpful to know you are never alone in a battle!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  4. I still tend to struggle with confidence, even at my age. Something I’m working on all the time. I love “fake it till you make it”. Great advice! Love your outfit too – that skirt is so pretty. Thanks for linking up with The Blended Blog – I follow you on IG but it’s the first time I’ve been to your blog. NIce to meet you!

  5. I have struggled with confidence and I still do sometimes… it seems I’ll have a bad day and it’ll all come crashing down, but I try to remember all I’ve achieved and it helps a lot! I really enjoyed reading this… and, I am with you… always go with the more comfortable shoes when there are kids involved! Love your outfit. 🙂

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

    • Thanks so much, Carrie. I am so glad that you have found what it takes to pull yourself out of a confidence slump! I have found that it helped me to be able to find how to pull myself out because sometimes there is no one else around to do it for you. Outside support is great, but self-reliance is superb!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  6. Thanks 4 linking up to Top of the World Style

  7. Good advice! BTW, you are a legit blogger. Love those sandals!

    Thank you for being a part of TBT Fashion link up and hope to see you soon!

    Alice
    http://www.happinessatmidlife.com

  8. This was a great post! The word I chose to focus on this year is confidence, so I’m so glad that I read this! I need to remember to fake confidence when I’m just not feeling it, and also remember that everyone else struggles with it too–we all have a bit of “imposter syndrome” going on I’m sure. I tend to forget that.

    • Thanks for reading the post, Shea! It has helped me so much whenever I struggle with anything to know that I am never alone. There is always someone out there who can relate and who struggles with the same thing. Keep focusing on that confidence!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  9. Great post! Confidence is definitely something I try so hard to have but am still lacking. Thanks for linking up with me.

    http://www.jerseygirltexanheart.com

    • Thanks for reading my post, Monica. This one was an important one for me to write! I love your blog! You have great style, plus I lived in NJ for many years so I am familiar with a lot of the places you talk about!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  10. I hear that one often fake it til you make it and I do believe it. To be the part you gotta play the part. Would love if you can link up to http://the-wardrobe-stylist.com/2016/05/15/losing-baby-weight-episode-1/

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