An Exercise in Self Confidence & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #182
Whenever I look in the mirror or at photographs of myself, the very first thing I see are the flaws. Every single one of them. It is where my eye and my mind go immediately. The focus is on all the negative. With 46 years of mileage on this body of mine, there are a lot of flaws to draw my attention. Believe me. I know.
I have studied myself in thorough detail over the years. I know every oversized pore, every mole, every scar, every stretch mark, every stray hair that pops up in the same place on my chin within a few days of me extricating it with tweezers. I know that my left eyebrow has a tendency to get a bit more wild than the right, yet my right armpit seems to grow hair faster than the left. I hate that my hands are the size of hubcaps and my hips are little bit lopsided. My waist has no definition but my tummy has too much…and it’s not of the 6 pack abs kind of definition, but more like the Michelin Man’s style of defined abs.
I am always self conscious that I am too tall, too fat, too pale, my nose is too big and my chin is too weak. My hair has a tendency to get frizzy but won’t hold a curl and I have really big feet. My front teeth are crooked and my left eye is a tiny bit squintier than the right.
If you have read this far, you may be wondering how all of this self criticism is an exercise in self confidence. Well, it’s not. I am merely setting the stage for why I decided to try an exercise in self confidence. I mean, clearly I need to do something to end the reel of negative feedback to myself about myself.
So the other night, I sat down and started scrolling through my own Instagram feed with the sole intention of looking at photographs of myself from a purely objective point of view. Y’all, that is really freaking hard to do. It is a serious challenge. When we view images of ourselves, I think it might be a natural tendency to spot our flaws because we do spend so much time focused on them.
When we view photos of other people, looking at them objectively is easy enough…because we are objective about things outside of us. Shifting from a purely subjective viewpoint about ourselves actually feels counterintuitive. And it requires you to almost step outside of yourself and pretend that you are looking at someone else. So instead of focusing on every tiny flaw that appears so prominently to me, I told myself to look at my own photos as if I were looking at photos of someone else.
If the photo is not me, but someone else, will I focus on the same flaws or will I look at the picture as a whole of all the parts? And would I judge so harshly if it were someone else? Well, the answer to the latter is an emphatic no. I would definitely not judge someone else as harshly as I judge myself. In fact, I most likely would not see any of the same flaws if the photo were not myself.
So I got serious about this exercise in self confidence and I scrolled and I stared and I studied my photos and it was damn near impossible to switch that perspective. Then I realized that when I look at photos of others, I don’t stare and study anything, I merely look with a quick glance and maybe sometimes my eye will settle for a moment longer on something that I find extra pleasing.
The next step after my first failed attempt was to not stare and study anything, but rather to glance quickly and try to see the photographs of myself in the way that anyone else might view them (the way that I view photos of others)…objectively. The result…I caught a few glimpses of beauty that I had never recognized before. Granted the glimpses were brief and they were fleeting as the pull towards self deprecation is strong, but still I saw some images for a moment that didn’t make me cringe in disgust. There were even a few photos where I could proudly acknowledge that the woman in the picture was rather pretty. As long as I didn’t acknowledge that the woman in the picture was myself. Maintaining my objective viewpoint was very difficult and only lasted for short moments and as soon as I fell back into subjective me, game over.
But I found the exercise to be rather rewarding and a valuable learning experience. I learned how very difficult it is to shift our perspectives about ourselves. I learned that I apply a completely different standard of beauty to myself than I do to others. I have the capacity to see beauty all around me in every person, yet I fail time and again to see any of it in myself. I learned that I get stuck on linguistics and all too often equate self confidence with arrogance and conceit. I have learned that I am way more fearful of being perceived as arrogant or conceited than I am of being viewed as ugly. I will settle for ugly long before I will ever become comfortable with arrogance. And that has a tendency to leave me in a really weird place.
I am going to continue doing this exercise every once in a while in the hopes that I can retrain my mind to view myself in a better light. If you struggle with self confidence the same way that I do, I encourage you to give this a try as well. Look at yourself objectively as if you were looking at someone else. Would you be so harsh in your judgments? Would you be so cruel with your words? Probably not. So why do we keep knocking ourselves down and speaking to ourselves in such negative ways?
Next up are the featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Bo of Bo’s Bodacious Blog shared the most darling little outfit in her post, Biking Around Town One Shoulder Exposed. These gingham shorts and one shoulder top just scream summer and Bo’s adorable bicycle gives me all sorts of nostalgic vibes.
Favorite Fashion Post
Mireille of Chez Mireille is looking radiant in her Coral Dress and Sunflowers. This color is simply magnificent on her and the field of sunflowers is the perfect background for such a lovely vibrant summer maxi dress. Well done, my friend!
Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Chanda of Birth of a Fashion Blogger shared a powerful post, They Tried to Bury Us. They Didn’t Know We Were Seed-Black Lives Matter. We all need a bit more education on the topic of BLM and I am finding that the best source of information and perspective is our friends of color. Read, listen, pay attention, learn. Thank you, Chanda, for using your words and your platform to help us better understand. I am standing with you, my friend.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Dress-c/o Rosegal / Kimono-Torrid / Sandals-Mossimo / Earrings-Good Life Healing Arts & Gift Shop / Necklace-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
58 Comments
Deborah Stinedurf
The vast majority of us are always so much harder on ourselves than we are others. It’s hardwired into our brains from childhood…remember that mix tape that has been playing on a loop in our brains for our entire lives that we talked about? It’s that. The criticisms that we hurl at ourselves are in our own voice however the words belong to others; family members, kids we went to school with, “trusted” adults, random strangers, the media…and changing those words is damn hard work. When your mind starts the negative bullshit, stop yourself…STOP YOURSELF…it’s hard, but do it. Replace even one negative thought with a positive & do it over and over again. Then move onto the next one. I know you like to journal. Make a list…a real, fact based honest list of all of the amazing things about you. Include the physical, but don’t forget about the internal beauty too…the important stuff. Clear your mind of the negative while you’re writing it, take a break if you’re struggling with it, but go back to it and write down every single thing that is good & beautiful & true about you. When the list is done reread it. Every. Single. Day. Read it out loud to yourself. Rewire your brain and change the mix tape to something that you love.
My friend, you are a beautiful human, inside and out. You have an incredible soul packaged inside of a badass, smokin’ hot, creative body…you just need to see that yourself…xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
OMG, Debbie, you just made me cry a little! Thank you for these wonderful, inspiring, empowering words. I literally just wrote this post about an hour ago and in the back of my mind I was thinking, “Oh boy, Debbie is going to have a field day with this one! She is going to take my negativity and blast me with some brilliant comment that is going to smack me hard and wake me up!” And you did just that, right on cue, as I expected. And I couldn’t be more grateful for it, for you, and for your beautifully positive approach to self confidence! I am trying. I am a work in progress. And I am going to follow your lead, my friend. Thank you for being such an awesome, amazing, beautiful human!
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
I’m glad I did as expected…lol! You know I meant every word of it. You are a fierce, amazing, badass woman & you need to hit it hard & remind yourself of that every single day. Love you my friend…xo
Debbie
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Debbie! You crack me up! And inspire me and give me the necessary kicks in the ass when needed! Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
Christina Morley
Love today’s photos! Looking so nice. Thanks for hosting!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Tina! I hope you are having a great week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I love this exercise that you did. I need to try this. Thanks for sharing the wisdom that you learned. Love this kimono and thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thanks so much! It is really, really hard to view yourself as if you are looking at another person. I would love to hear what kind of insight you gain if you do give this a try!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pamela Graham
My dearest blogging friend. While you are pulling yourself down, most of us will see nothing less than a beautiful, strong, dramatic, loving and matchless lady boldly displaying her talents. Your fashion shots are creative and often your inner thoughts/struggles air the problems so many others feel unable to share. Carry on and ‘fake it til you make it’!!
Pamela xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pamela, thanks so much! I suppose that is the reason I share this vulnerable insecure side of myself…because people do relate to it. And I suppose that makes me a little sad that we are all so tough on ourselves. I shall carry on faking it in the hopes that it will inspire others to at least try to view themselves in a better light.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
Being hard on ourselves seems to be inherent in us all. This exercise is such a great idea and something we should do every few weeks! Love this pretty outfit on you! Your kimono is gorgeous!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thanks so much! I have been trying this same exercise in the mirror as well…naked! Yikes. That is a really hard one to not focus on the flaws! But it really does help to try.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ashley
This post is so raw and heart-wrenching, babe- and I HEAR YOU. I think we all do this- at least, I definitely do. The first thing I see when I edit photos are my flaws (or what I’m perceiving to be flaws). So many of our body insecurities are learned from what society tells us is beautiful- tiny waist, big boobs, no lumps/bumps/wrinkles/cellulite (aka NOT REAL SKIN), voluminous hair, big eyes, small nose, big smile, white teeth- NONE OF WHICH IS HOW MOST OF US LOOK. It’s insanity and can totally jack with our minds and our perceptions of what is attainable or how we should look.
Bottom line: you’re real, you’re beautiful, and you’re brave for speaking from your heart! I applaud you, sis!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ashley, thank you so much, you beautiful, amazing woman! I totally get it and I speak these same encouraging words to every woman yet I have such trouble heeding them myself. You are so right that society plants these images in our minds of how we are supposed to look. Yet we look exactly as we are supposed to by virtue of that is how we look! And we are all beautiful. If we all looked the same…tiny waist, big boobs, no lumps or wrinkles, perfect hair, big eyes, small nose, etc….what would be the fun in that?! Bottom line for you as well…you’re real and gorgeous and brave and such an inspiration to so many! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy Bertoldi
Wow…what a powerful post. I think though that you are really not alone- I saw myself in every line you wrote. I too need to try this exercise. Why are we so hard on ourselves- like wtf?? I look at you Shelbee and find you so beautiful!! I’m always digging your styling choices and want to recreate for myself- people look at what they like and that’s what they see (I know that’s what I do!). Gotta do it to ourselves now.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lucy, thanks so much for being real and vulnerable with me. I am noticing a trend that so many of us are so hard on ourselves. And when I look at photos of you, I see so much beauty and so much style that I want to recreate myself. We really do view ourselves in much harsher light than we view others. Why is it such a struggle to be kinder to ourselves? We are all a work in progress, I suppose.
xoxo
Shelbee
eva @ StyleMyThrift.com
very interesting post shelbee…i think most women go through this…and it’s interesting because for me it’s been different things over the years….right now it’s how wrinkled the skin on my hands are right now…or how i don’t want to smile as much because my crows-feet around my eyes are intense now…and don’t even get me started on my LARGE 5-fingered forehead that’s been plaguing me for as long as i can remember…or how my shape is curvy, or my calves are so thin (even when i’ve been overweight by 30 lbs!) that i can never wear boots…i hate my nails because they are brittle and never grow…my hair is very thin…and the thought that i am aging and almost 50….or how even when i am at a perfect weight, cellulite will never go away…
………………….anyway, i could go on and on i think…those are the things i obsess on….but i’ve gotten better over time….and how? by hurling myself into projects that make me feel accomplished…and the sense of accomplishment has been the best antidote to fight all those negative thoughts….accomplishment…i am shoving this down my daughters’ throats like a poor ducks being fattened up for foie gras…it’s accomplishment that bleaches out all my imperfections….
xo eva
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Eva, thank you so much for sharing your vulnerabilities with me. We are so hard on ourselves, aren’t we? I wish I had some accomplishments to focus on to distract me, but alas, when I am down on myself, I am down on all of it! But Debbie of Fashion Fairy Dust shared a wonderful comment to help us all! I do need to practice more positivity when it comes to myself. I suppose we all do!
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
HI Shelbee
I understand. I do think women are hard on themselves to be a certain image. I am definately more gentle on myself at 52 than when I was younger. I was bullied in school which didn’t help my self confidence.
I think we all critique ourselves. With EDS I lost weight, and my mom used to say my face was too thin. So I am aware of that and think about that. I do try and focus on the positive though.
You look great in black and I love the floral kimono on you, very pretty!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much! Like Debbie said, we get stuck on the mix tapes inside our heads that keep repeating all of the negative things we have heard about ourselves throughout our lives. And it is sad that it is the people we look to for uplifting who are often the ones who shoot us down. Our parents, our siblings, our friends, our spouses. And while their words may be cruel, they are minor compared to the way we interpret them and repeat them to ourselves. We are so very hard on ourselves. I am so glad that you are able to focus on the positives about yourself. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and such a wonderful inspiration in so many ways. I love you, sweet friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Tucker
As always Shelbee this is such a thoughtful post. You always make me think and I love it.
Peace!
Cheryl
northwestmountainliving.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much for all of your support! These vulnerable posts are probably the most difficult to share but I think they are so important! I hope your week is off to a great start.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nora Minassian
I think we are our own worst critic most of the time. Accepting ourselves and loving ourselves is alway a work in progress, unfortunately. Thank you for opening up about a real topic we all as women struggle with.
Meanwhile I think you look fab in this pretty floral kimono.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nora, thank you so much! We definitely are much harder on ourselves than we are on others. And the process is a lifelong one, for sure. Thanks for always supporting what I do! You are amazing!
xoxo
Shelbee
Leslie Susan Clingan
We are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else is on us. Our own worst enemies, we women. I see a perfectly shaped face, a warm smile, sparkling eyes, hair that frames your face beautifully, an eclectic sense of style, great gams, pretty pedi, enviable Snow White complexion and under it all, a sweet heart.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Leslie, you just made me tear up a little! Wow. Thank you so much for this wonderful comment. I agree with you that we are so very hard on ourselves and we must find ways to stop! I guess that is why I share posts like this and show the vulnerability clear as can be. I hope it can help other women learn to love themselves better, too. Thank you for always supporting my I do here, you beautiful, wonderful woman!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
As often happens, I was surprised to find that such a pretty woman could see only her supposed imperfections. It seems to be the bane of so many. From the time I began reading your blog, I was drawn to your gorgeous smile, your edgy sense of style, and your confident attractiveness. And then i found all of the external package enhanced by an emotionally honest, introspective, and kind person.
Despite this, I know what it’s like to be focused on your flaws. I had a father who could be overly critical of my weight. And I say overly critical, because I ran across photos of myself in my 20’s, and my weight was perfect. I was lovely. And I nearly cried for the missed opportunity to have appreciated this at the time. I took his words to heart and honestly believed I was too fat at 118 pounds. (I really don’t know what my dad’s problem was. He was cool about so many other things.) And it truly was a missed opportunity. At 57, I will never have that body again. Time and illness has been unkind.
That said, over time, I have worked to disregard the things about my body that I could consider less than stellar, and to focus on what’s cool about me, including all the pleasure this “imperfect package” gives me. Glorious sex, skilled hands, a good brain, and set of principle to live by. And honestly, the exercise caused a shift in how view people whose primary focus is on the external package. I have grown to find them shallow and broken. I’m not angry at them; I feel sorry for them.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, you have once again nearly brought me to tears with your beautiful, kind, supportive, inspiring, and empowering words. You are such an amazing woman and I am so blessed to count you among my friends in this mad, crazy world. You know I like to keep shit real here on the Edge and that includes sharing where I falter and where I can do better. I definitely can acknowledge my more desirable assets, but you know that little voice inside the head can get quite loud and overbearing and, all too often, convincing. And why is it that the people who should be supporting us are often the ones who shatter us? Like our parents, our friends, our spouses even. Yeah, I had one of those spouses who made it his mission to point out my flaws on a daily basis. Twenty years later, those voices are still fairly persistent. You are such a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I will look to you as an example for how to love and appreciate myself better!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Self-Confidence is something I struggle with everyday. Too long of a story to tell why here. The basics is that people around me like to poke holes in everything I do or have accomplished simply because I just go about my business and don’t talk or boast about what I do. It scares the shit out of them. Basically they talk shit but when it is time to don the tights and get in the ring, they don’t. I do and don’t talk about it. So, I am this foreign creature to most who they figure they can poke and tweak at to improve their self-confidence by knocking what I do, say or think. I don’t really respond but inside it knocks my self-worth to shit.
Anyway, you look amazing and very summery.
Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability here as well. I just commented to someone else that this is not unique to women either. Lots of men struggle with issues of self confidence and self esteem…for exactly the reasons you stated. Not only are we hard on ourselves but we get the constant stream of shit form other people. Whether it is blatant or unintentional, society feeds our negativity in the worst way! I find you to be an amazing human so you just keep doing what you do knowing that there are people who appreciate and adore you! Fuck all the rest of them!
xoxo
Shelbee
Midlife and Beyond
I don’t know any girl who doesn’t find fault with either her body, looks, or something. We are all so hard on ourselves – why, I’m not sure? The main thing is to be kind to ourselves and let things wash over us as it’s usually wasted energy. You come across to me as a vibrant, beautiful, caring person and that is what is most important. The people around you especially your family will appreciate that and love you for it.
Alison xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Alison, thank you so much! I am not sure why we do this to ourselves either. And I don’t think it is unique to women. I think lots of men struggle the same. And boy oh boy, when PMS hits, forget it. I am totally doomed with poor self esteem for at least a week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nanchi
My dear Shelbee, you are adorable, sweet and most beautiful person. We all are unique creations of this nature and I think we insult god by criticizing its work. Usually people judge others but you are too harsh on yourself. I am glad you did the activity of seeing good things.❤❤ Let me tell you more about yourself ….which you might miss..LOL.
Do you see those sparkling eyes of yours, that charming smile, the beautiful heart and the kindness in it? 🤗🤗 Remember there is no other Shelbee! ✨✨ Hugs.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nanchi, you are so kind! Thank you for these very uplifting words. I do know that my heart is filled with kindness and that my smile lets the world know that! I suppose writing this post was more about easing up on the self scrutiny that many of us fall into. I certainly don’t hate myself, I just have a tendency to focus on my perceived flaws rather than on the positive qualities. But I do think this a common thing. I am going to use your words as a mantra though when I start getting down on myself…”we insult god by criticizing his work.” I love that! Keep shining your light into the world, my beautiful friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Ugh, we are all so self-critical, it’s true. I love fashion and writing and was so excited to start my blog. Then I realized I had to take pictures of myself. I had to pose and look natural. WHAT??!! That actually took a few years and even now I find it challenging. Like you, I notice EVERYTHING wrong with myself when I look at these pictures. But I keep telling myself that I am doing this to celebrate my age, my body, my self, and hope to encourage others to do the same. And that is my real intent. And how one looks does help one to feel confident. So we just have to do the best with what we’ve got and move forward, right? Sounds easy but it’s not.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and your process to gain confidence. I will try it! I also loved the comments about listening and learner from our friends of color about BLM. We can only begin to imagine their struggle…
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so much for sharing your experience with self confidence! Gosh, it leaves us feeling so vulnerable to admit how we perceive ourselves. I am giggling (and very flattered) by all of the comments reassuring me of my beauty, but that was not the point of this post…you got my point perfectly. It is about the way we scrutinize ourselves and become so critical. I would never study someone else’s photos with the same scrutiny as I do my own, therefore, I would never notice all the crazy little details like I do about myself. And even if I did notice, I wouldn’t think any negative things about it. But yet I put the negative spin on it when it comes to myself. Why we do this, I have no idea. I think all of your photos are so great and you are a beautiful, radiant, and vibrant woman with such great style! But I totally relate to what you are saying. I was never comfortable with photos of myself and I still struggle with it after 5 years of blogging. But I have always believed that the best way to overcome fear is to just face it head on. And so I will continue taking photos of myself and sharing them in the hopes that I inspire some. Keep shining bright, my beautiful friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
I think it is a good exercise to do and hope you will practice it because we sure don’t see what you see! I see a beautiful confident woman with a fun sense of style!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thank you so much, my beautiful friend! I suspect that many of us view ourselves differently than how others perceive us. Trying to put myself in the light that others see me is really a difficult but very rewarding exercise! I really do think it is important to change the messages we give to ourselves.
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
oh and thanks for the feature! =)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
It was my pleasure, Mireille! Thank you for joining me every week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Such an important message!!!!
You are beautiful!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Tamar! I believe we are all beautiful but we need to accept that about ourselves! Keep shining bright, my beautiful friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
Oh, I am the same way! I think it is what us women do, especially in a moment of weakness. I hate when I catch myself doing it and aging doesn’t help, does it? You are beautiful!!! Don’t ever hesitate for a moment that you are not!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thank, Carrie! You are so kind! We women definitely have a way of putting ourselves down time and again, don’t we? These exercises definitely help me with self confidence, but it is hard to stay always confidence…for me the worst of it happens during PMS! Which is right now…probably the true source of this post! Haha. Keep shining bright, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
Love all your kimonos – this is so pretty too! Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jacqui! I do have a lot of them!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa Richardson
Shelbee, this is a super cute look on you. The kimono is the perfect compliment to the LBD.
XOXO
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lisa! I do love my kimonos…all summer long! have a fabulous day!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Wouldn’t it be nice if we were as kind to our own appearances as we were to others? I am with you—the older I get, the more I cringe when editing photos of myself. I am hoping I’ll reach a point where I see every line, pore, and bulge as a sign of wisdom versus a flaw. But in the meantime, I think you are lovely, Shelbee, inside and out!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you! We really are much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. But then sometimes it is the unkindness of others that feeds our negative self talk. The whole cycle is a mess! I agree with you though…all of our lines and wrinkles and extra curves and aches and pains are simply signs that we have lived well and with excitement and enthusiasm. I think you are lovely as well, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
You make such a good point. We scrutinize ourselves the way we would never do with others. I do tend to linger on things I find pretty or attractive on others, but not on myself! I need to try what you did and just glance quickly on those days I’m feeling down about myself!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thanks so much! It is so true that when we look at photos of others, our eyes are drawn to the positive, the things we like that appeal to us. Any negative we think about someone else is just a passing thought. But when it is ourselves, we can be brutal! If you try this little exercise, I would love to hear how you experience it. I found it really difficult, but very effective as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
You are not alone Shelbee. I can relate. We are our own worst critics and sometimes I wonder why and how we got there. And like you, when I see a photo of myself, I will dissect it even though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. My hubby definitely doesn’t do this. So I wonder is it just women? Do we really do it to ourselves? And is social media also something that wants us to chase for perfection? I don’t know. All I know is, one day at a time! I hope you are well and happy Wednesday!
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I was wondering if this was a predominantly female thing, but I know there are men who are hyper self critical as well. I don’t think my husband scrutinizes himself to the same extent that I scrutinize myself, but he does have moments of insecurities. Maybe men just express it and approach it differently than women. I am not sure what the cause, but I suppose it is a combination of society, social media, advertising, and the things that people tell us throughout our lives. We focus on the negative all too frequently. But one day at a time is the best we can do as we make personal progress and learn to love ourselves better. I hope you all are well and having a wonderful week.
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
It’s really hard to unpick that way of thinking after so long – it just becomes hardwired and takes a monumental effort to overthrow it. I think it takes practice and perseverance to slowly dismantle it and banish it for good. Of course when we have a bad day it’s easy to slide back into a negative mindset…those hormonal ups and downs play havoc with my self-esteem! But at least if I know that’s the reason it helps me to put it to the back of my mind. Thanks for sharing this at the link up!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. Oh, the hormones are the worst culprits in this entire story of self confidence struggle! I have PMS right now that has completely destroyed my self image this month…like really bad. But hopefully I will be back to my normal level of self confidence in another day or two!
xoxo
Shelbee
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