When The Imposter Rears Her Ugly Head (with DressLily)

This past weekend that old nemesis of mine, imposter syndrome, reared her ugly head. And she sent me into a nervous whirlwind of anxiety. I wrote a post a really long time ago which talked about my lifelong struggle with self-confidence and imposter syndrome. You can read that here. If you are unfamiliar with imposter syndrome, this sums it up quite effectively…

*This is a sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own.

*Lace Top: High Low See Through Lace Plus Size Top ($15.21) c/o DressLily.
*Use code XieDressLily at check out to get an additional 10% off your purchase.

So now you may be wondering what is making me feel like an imposter. Well, lots of things actually. But mostly these recent occurrences: I recently had an article published in Resilientista Magazine. And then on that same day, I was asked to be a model for the Forever Fierce Meet Up at Chico’s in New York City. All super exciting things and I have been just going with the flow. Β Doing my best to remain calm and take it all in stride. But the imposter crept in when people began approaching me in my community and telling me that they read my magazine article. That it was so helpful for them. That I was brave for writing it. Then I received a message from a couple thanking me for all I have done for them…just by being me. Um. Wow. That’s a lot to take in for a person who has struggled with confidence for a huge part of my life.

*Jacket: c/o Zaful. No longer available. Similar here, here, and here.
*Use code ZafulXie10 at check out to receive $3 off your order.

Being always prepared with my amazing network of fabulous friends, I immediately decided I needed to call my dear friend, Susan, of Then You Stand Enrichment Center. Susan is a brilliant counselor and a great friend whom I know I can call in times of crisis. I don’t want to mislead you though. I was not really in crisis…I was just really in need of a serious pep talk and a fresh perspective. And I knew Susan would give me just what I needed.

She delivered in spades. As she always does. And for that, I thank her…in spades. This is the perspective she gave me. I am paraphrasing: How can you be an imposter when all of these things that are happening are in response to you being your true, authentic, real self? You cannot be an imposter on yourself. You have exposed yourself in amazing ways that give other people permission to be their true authentic selves. And now the universe is giving you a standing ovation.

In case you are wondering, I cried when she said those things. And I teared up as I was typing them. And I am ever so grateful to her and to all of you for following me on this crazy amazing journey. If I have helped you in any way, that makes my heart feel full. But know how much you have all helped me as well.

In this life, we are born innocent and unscathed. At some point, we all are damaged. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to heal. This blogging journey has been a healing process for me. And I never really realized it until now. So I am going to just keep doing what I do and being who I am and becoming the best possible version of myself. And I thank you all for allowing me to do just that.

Keeping it real on the edge,


Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.

Follow shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com:

I am a 40 something Army wife and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats named Dave and Frankie. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

38 Responses

  1. Wow!! amazing looks you are so glam in this outfits such a great words..

  2. Oh dearest Shelbee, just enjoy your succes! It is so well deserved!😘😘😘😘😘

  3. Wow, Shelbee!!!! What a great post and great advice from your friend. That’s the kind of advice you want to write down and read it whenever you start to doubt yourself. You are going to have an amazing week!

  4. You have helped me, and thanks for your bravery.

  5. It is so wonderful that you have a friend like Susan that you can turn to who will lift you up!

    By Lauren M

  6. Love the way you took the dress from summer to fall!

  7. Wow! Your post couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time! First I thought someone was ripping you off and I was gonna get all medieval on them. Then I read your words and thought. “Oh. Shit. She’s got a point there”.
    I signed up to go to that Chico’s thing on Saturday. And this morning I decided to not go because of my social anxiety. But then I read your words and I’m going to go. I need to face my fears and I need to stop being my own imposter.
    Thank you Shelbee!!!!!

    • Cathe, I am so glad that I posted this when I did then! I better see your beautiful face there! Remember we are all in this together and united we are stronger! You have so many fabulous empowering women who will be there to uplift you! I cannot wait to meet you! Hugs to you, my friend!


  8. Gorgeous dress! THe color is stunning on you


  9. Thanks for sharing such an awesome post, Shelbee! I have long been dealing with anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem (that comes with 12 years of being bullied) and I sometimes feel like an imposter. When this happens to me, I go over my achievements and milestones that makes me feel better!

    • Gigi, thank you for sharing your story! I am so glad that you have a way to overcome your inner imposter, too. Definitely reflecting on your personal achievements is one way to knock that imposter down!


  10. Shelbee, it just goes to show what a class act you are that you know to question your inner voices. There are plenty of real imposters out there (certain politicians immediately come to mind) who don’t have the maturity to look in the metaphorical mirror and see themselves for who they truly are.

    You on the other hand are humble and genuine, which is much more attracting of positive energy than the phony personas of a true imposter! Just sayin πŸ™‚


    • Theresa, thank you so very, very much for this comment. I appreciate it more than my words can even express. But it is that kind of validation that reinforces my belief that I am doing what I have been called to do.


  11. The lace and leather combo looks good. Well done to you on your success, it is a credit to you and you should own it wholeheartedly xx

  12. Yes work it girl! Loves that jacket and dress. I love your style πŸ™‚

  13. Wow Shelbee, great post! You can’t feel like an imposter when you find that you are actually helping so many people! Feel proud…you deserve it!πŸ’‹

  14. Thanks for linking up to Top of the World Style. Great lace skirt. Great styling with the leather jacket. Creates a great contrast.

  15. Oh wow Shelbee, love this whole outfit! What a great dress πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing at Creative Mondays.

  16. To fight on the daily basis with your psyche isn’t easy at all. But it worth it. Thank you for sharing this with My Red Carpet.


  17. I love that red lace dress/top and the jacket is amazing.


  18. You totally deserve every success Shelbee! Wonderfully wise words from Susan, I’ll remember this for when I’m feeling wobbly. Fabulous outfit!

    Emma xxx

    • Emma, thank you so very much for your kind words of support! Susan is a very wise woman and I do hope her words can help you in wobbly times, too! Thanks for stopping by and supporting my little blogging venture!


  19. How marvellous that people have actually taken the time to tell you you’ve made a difference, sometimes that does not happen. Enjoy every minute of all good things going your way.

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